Photo Credit: Petra Röder, Photo Express
I have tried to take some steps to loosing weight in the recent weeks. I used to be a dancer. It doesn’t seem like an eternity ago but it must have been, as after a 40 minute drive across town to a dance studio I’d found on the internet I was bitterly disappointed.
As I walked in I realized the receptionist and all the dancers loitering around were about 18 and made me look ancient. They all looked like extras from Pineapple Dance Studios, and I looked just like Louis – the old one (if you don’t know about Pineapple then have a look at some of these videos, they’re a scream!Pineapple Dance Studios on YouTube).
The receptionist showing me around asked how many years ago it had been since I had danced. Note: Not just how long ago, but how many years ago… She kindly advised that their lessons were not really for beginners (she obviously didn’t believe that I had once danced professionally, albeit on ice!) and invited me to attend an open day if I wanted to try… it was a nice let down but I’m a very busy lady and 40 minutes drive across town is just too far and too much time in the car to reflect on the fact that I can no longer move as I once did.
MC Hammer Pants
Determined to look better, get fit and loose weight without being so strict that I set myself up for failure as I did last time. So, last Monday I set myself a target of loosing 4 kilos in 4 weeks before my next trip. To celebrate the setting of a realistic target, Hubby and I order Pizza Domino one final time and then weighed ourselves the next morning, hopefully being at our heaviest.
Not just content to do a gentle diet, I decided to embark on a keep fit routine as well and this, my dear readers, in where things started to unravel at an alarming rate.
Tuesday night: 30 minutes on the cross trainer followed by floor exercises and weights. At some point the blood circulation in my feet was cut off (my feet are too fat for my trainers?) and I lost all sensation in my toes! Manically rubbed my feet after and eventually all feeling came back. Great! This might just work, or so I thought.
Wednesday night: Time to add some diversity to my routine. If you’ve bought a packet of Fitness cereal recently (yes, this is how serious I am, even my breakfast cereal is called Fitness!) you would’ve received a free Les Mills DVD; Either Body Balance or Body Pump. I’d managed to eat my way through two boxes so had both DVD’s. I’d heard great things about these DVD’s so aching all over from the day before (don’t laugh, because I couldn’t so much my abdominal muscles hurt), I motivated myself to get stuck in and popped the Body Balance on in the machine.
Piglet’s Comedy Club
Setting: Living room, yoga mat on floor, television playing fitness DVD, a mixture of Yoga and Pilates.
Character: Piglet, dressed in holey tracksuit, bare feet (trainers too tight) and looking motivated. Spare tyre round middle held in place by too tight t-shirt.
Scene 1: Lady on DVD starts demonstrating the routine, Piglet to follow. Downward Dog. Grunt. Lady effortlessly slides from position to position, throwing in a plank from time to time. Piglet scrabbles around on all fours, bum in air, back on all fours in order to stand up, whoops, she’s toppled over. Another grunt. Ridiculous laughter. She tries to do the Plank but fails miserably and then splat on her face. Scene repeats.
Scene 2: 15 minutes later.
Frightfully fit ladies on DVD still doing graceful pilates moves. Piglet still flailing around in all directions. Time to lie on front on the floor. Extend arm and opposite leg, bend both and grab foot from behind. Piglet’s body will not move, hand grapples frantically trying to find foot. Ladies on DVD carry out said move with elegance, Piglet falls over without having held foot.
End Credits: Ladies on DVD are honed, toned and fighting fit. Piglet cannot get back up. Stays on floor. Crys. Is old. Spare tyre still there.
Yep, that’s right; I must have done something wrong as I wasn’t able to walk for three days after! Imagine the old ladies you sometimes see at the Dr’s surgery or at the market. The one’s wearing the contention tights and super sensible orthopedic shoes because they’ve had a hip replacement job? Well I was walking just like them. I couldn’t stand up, sit down or even turnaround without being in dreadful pain so I had to add to the hole in the French social security budget.
Miracously my hip is better now, but the Dr wants me to get an x-ray to check it out as he thinks there could be some joint damage. He’s also banned me from any sporty activity for the time being. Is this what ageing is about? And what about loosing weight?
Hi, thanks for popping over to my blog. I’ve never been to Lyon but it’s meant to be packed with 7-star restos and the like. Which means serious food, which means serious weight, which means you’re doomed!
Getting older, putting on weight is a drag. And exercise can be dangerous as you found out. I’m a lot older than you and content myself with riding a bicycle once or twice a week. When I lived in London (18 years ago, aaaargh where did the time go?) I did sport most days – tennis, running, karate, swimming etc. But later in life (now) some of the injuries come home to roost.
So, just enjoy the French lifestyle and drink wine and PRETEND you’re slimmer than you are. Works for me.
Nice blog incidentally.
Thanks for stopping by Dumdad, I’m pleased you like the blog.
Yes, Lyon is a real haven for good restaurants and food. I have so many places on my list to try, I don’t think I will ever get round to them. I’ll probably still be trying to go to them all with a zimmer frame!
Everything was fine excercise wise until this year and now it’s hit me so I’m waking up and realising that time is ticking by. I would love to ride a bike, but around here it is a suicide attempt (literally), drivers are so bad I don’t think I’d last more than five minutes LOL
I like the idea of enjoying French lifestyle and drinking wine (I probably do too much of that already though). Pretending I’m slimmer is definitely a must!
This post really made me chuckle. I can sooooo relate to it.
Victoria
Thanks for stopping by Victoria, I’m pleased the post made you chuckle
I’m actually reading your book at the moment – it is GREAT! I’m only about half way through but am really really enjoying it!
Oh you poor dear!! Of course I giggled a lot at this post, but it was WITH you not AT you, for I have so been here/there/everywhere with weight gain and weight loss and crazy “fat clothes” that one has to turn to and the horrid exercise injuries (I hope you get well soon!).
Despite the fact that I have given up so many foods because of all those pesky food intolerances, I have still managed to put on about 5 kilos (at least) since this time last year. That, and our finances will not at the moment support the yoga classes I had been taking for the past several months (we are, as it was put in the words of Pride and Prejudice, retrenching.
So, I shall soon be trying to do the same thing as you: exercise by telly and by walking in parks, something I am going to do today with my former yoga buddy, who is now my walking buddy.
Fortunately, this year, because of the retrenching, we are not going to spend time by the lakeside in Canada. I say “fortunately” as it means the chances that this summer I will need to appear in a swimsuit are close to nil, and I am really, really glad!
Anyway, there is something to Dumdad’s words up there: pretend you are slimmer than you are. Yes, I need to do a bit of that myself. Fake it ’til you make it!
And yeah, I hate to tell you, but so far, for me, this is what ageing is about, lol. *sigh* Welcome to the club.
Thanks for the welcome to the club Karin! I’m yet to spot the first wrinke but I am moisturising like crazy…
What is it about France and the food here that makes you put on weight? I am sure I only have to walk past a pastry shop and I gain a kilo! How French women stay slim I just do not know.
Well done you for the yoga though even if you’re not going at the moment. That’s seriously hardcore stuff, much much harder than it looks. You’re lucky to have a walking buddy, I would love to walk more but as I don’t ever go anywhere I don’t have anywhere to walk to and Hubby hates walking so I just don’t get round to it. Also, I bet walking in Paris is far better than here in Lyon! I would need to drive to everywhere worth walking around…
Yep, DVD’s are my best friend excercise wise… no embarrassing gyms to go to, no young slim model types to make me jealous (except on the actual DVD itself but then I take my glasses off so I can’t see them in too much detail).
Fake it ’til I make it! My new motto
Oh dear! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed reading your post, but I couldn’t help it!
Re losing weight, all you need to remember is that the calories you take in must not exceed the calories that you expend. It’s not rocket science. I’ve got tons of healthy but totally scrummy food suggestions that may be useful? But get out walking whenever you can, get on your bike, just move, try to cut out cakes, refined sugars, saturated fats like butter and all processed food. That would be a good start!
Penny, you’re so right! I know that I should eat less calories than I expend, but somehow it just doesn’t work out. I don’t really have that bad a diet, I reckon I take in too many calories through alcohol & aperitifs though! I’ve now cut out all drinking on weekdays so fingers crossed it works… However, I do think my metabolism has come to a stand still as I eat far less now than I used to.
Anyway, don’t worry about laughing, I have been laughing so hard at myself, its probably the only way
I’ve decided that I’m going to walk and take the tube to my appointment this afternoon instead of the car. A start and the hip’s feeling better so hopefully it’ll hold out!
Yes, I’d love to try any yummy food suggestions you may have!
What’s your email addy? I’ll get some ideas down for you this eve. Alcohol has also been my downfall here. I am far too partial to the old Pineau or Porto for apero and, well, the wine is just too goddam cheap and scrummy for me to possibly resist! But you are right, that is where a surprising number of calories can be consumed. So well done you on cutting it out during the week
LOL!!
Too funny. I totally understand though. What’s with this place that makes us all go crazy with the food/weight thing?
D and I arrived in Paris this afternoon. I’m meant to go shopping as I need some clothes. (No, seriously I do. Pretty much everything I own — all my nice warm weather stuff — is still in Toronto and, as we won’t get our apartment until August, I need some warm weather wear. Jeans won’t cut it.) I am so dreading the shopping thing here. I don’t even know what size I am in this country. This is too much stress! I think I need to eat something!
Maybe I’ll just take the advice above and fake like I know what I’m doing/talking about. Here goes…
Tanya, I don’t know what size you are, but if you’re not a straight up, straight down, no hips kinda person forget it!
Joking aside, if you are tall, or if you have a longer waist, long legs or long arms then it is quite hard to get clothes I find. I also have huge feet (size 41) and struggle like anything.
I dream of being able to go to the shops here and find that everything fits me. It does happen occasionally and I buy lots of stuff only to put weight on and find none of it fits again.
For the warm weather, why don’t you try loose sundresses? They hide a multitude of sins and you don’t need them to fit as well as a pair of trousers? Karin put some links up to Gap on one of my earlier blog posts and the dresses looked great, maybe worth checking it out?
I’m sure you’ll find loads of great stuff in Paris though, enjoy the shopping, it won’t be that bad I’m sure
Bon courage!
All the comments below have me chuckling? Why? I think wine is the culprit here. If only we could just stay away from it. Oh, but it’s too good!
Okay, I went shopping yesterday and I didn’t try on a thing but I bought tons of tops, a pair of black shorts, and a pair of sandals. I bought stuff for D too ‘cuz I’m just so lovely!
I have huge feet too (size 41 here) so I understand the challenge.
As for clothes, I’m a size 12 in Canada (which I learned is a 42 here) and not the stick-insect/no-hips no boobs kinda girl. I’m curvy where I should be and damn them all who say that it’s “out” or whatever. And I’m tall to boot with an 34″ inseam. So, I’m kinda screwed depending on where I shop. I stuck to stores I was familiar with at home and did well. Everything looks good. I need a summer dress so I may hit Gap. Thanks for the tip; it’s good to hide a few sins!
As for the diet thing, if you don’t do this already, keep water with you at all times and drink lots. Sometimes when we feel hungry we’re actually thirsty. When you first start feeling “hungry” drink some water and wait 10 mins. If you’re still hungry, drink a little more water and wait agan. If you still feel hungry after that, eat.
Also, cucumbers. I don’t know if you like/hate them but they also contain lots of water and more minerals and vitamins than people realize. I eat them as a snack, while I’m preparing dinner. You get a little water from them and you occupy your mouth with a little chewing action so your body thinks you’re actually eating something more calorie-dense.
I agree the wine is DEFINITELY the culprit! I’m staying well clear of it for the time being… or at least I’m trying.
Glad you had a good shopping trip, though how you can buy clothes without trying them on I do not know! I have tried that on a few occasions and ended up having to take everything back
What a nightmare our size 41 feet heh? Shop assistants here just look at me in disbelief. I once worked above a Minelli store (gorgeous shoes) and had to suffer every single day as they only carry a few models in 41. I was constantly in there asking but they never had any of the models I was interested in. Such a heartbreaker.
I will be introducing a water bottle to my desk from tomorrow. I had already heard about thirst being like hunger or whatever it is and I do make a point now of drinking a large glass (or water, not wine!) with my dinner, so I’ll definitely try to drink more. Only problem will be is that I’ll need to pee every two minutes
I looooovvvvvveee cucumber but it doesn’t love me. I bloat and then need elasticated waist to cope with the extra two dress sizes! I’ve learned that taking the pips out helps though!
I hope you’re over your scare from yesterday and enjoying Paris…
Good heavens, how old are you? I’ve been dealing with this exact same problems but I’m going to be 56 in a few weeks time. I’ve even considered seeing a psy. to deal with accepting my new old body.
Start with a good diet plan, ex., Weight Watchers. There must be groups in your area. The group pressure will help you get started.
As for the exercise, try something low impact — how about a pool or Aquagym?
So, I don’t mean to tell you what to do. Your post was funny but kinda heart-wrenching too.
Good luck!
Hi Dedene. Sorry to hear you’ve been going through the same, a psy may be a good option for me too! I’m only 29, I know its not very old at all really, but my body has really changed and yes it is quite sad. I can feel the differences which is quite scary. My Dr says that my body is likely to age quicker due to all the sport I did young, so I’ve heard the best way to stay young is to stay active but I don’t seem to be having much luck.
Weight Watchers is a good idea. Ironically I did one of their courses when I was 17 as I was under a lot of pressure to stay at a low weight for sport and it worked. I’m going to give myself four weeks (I have never been so determined) and then based on the results I’ll decide whether to join or not. It may just be the encouragement I need.
As for the pool, it is something to consider definitely. I’ve got a small pool at home as well, perfect for Aquagym and swimming against the current, but to be honest the weather has been so horrible lately I just can’t face getting in it (would also mean have to put a swimming cozzie on! Yuck!).
I’ve been going through the same old thing for the last 2 months…. I am now back on Dermocell …. But sometimes I just go on eating sweet things I suddenly&shamelessly crave…. I just hope it will end up somehow this very week…. Maybe I should go to chruch and commit there… I just don’t know, but on 20th of June I shall be in Greece and I wanna look good in my swimming suit……………….
You are having cravings for sweet foods because your blood sugar levels have dropped. The key to staving off the cravings and preventing that dip is to eat slow release carbohydrates – there’s tons of really good info about them here http://bit.ly/cQwFHy I have a bowlful of no-sugar added muesli mixed with a handful of cornflakes and branflakes and some raisins and chopped up Agen prunes for breakfast to add the sweetness. You can add any mixture of fruit, ideally fresh fruit like strawberries and bananas or whatever you fancy. That keeps me going until lunchtime.
It’s worth working at sorting out your diet because the more you have the cravings, the more sweet rubbish you are going to eat and the more you are going to put on weight!
Hi Penny, I love Pineau! We can’t buy it easily here but when the produce of France market is on we always buy a few bottles. Very calorific but gorgeous! As for the wine, well, there’s so much to choose from and so much of it’s good. There’s nothing better than some good red wine and cheese, or a nice bottle of chilled white or rose for the apero…
Thanks for the link BTW, I’ve had a look and it’s very interesting. I’m going to set myself up with a meal plan. I’m pleased to see that a lot of the stuff I buy is healthy and the ‘right’ type of food so now I just have to put it all to practise… maybe easier said than done.
It would be lovely if you could send me some recipes (and anyone else who has any
) that’s very kind of you to offer. My email address is pigletinfrance@yahoo.co.uk – I’ll put any successes on here 
This week will be my second drink of no drinking, it’s surprising how much house work you can get done when you’re not busy drinking an aperitif!
Hi Rosabell, 20th June? You’re going away at the same time as me
I have to fit in my swim suit by then too 
I would also like to keep the weight off after and realistically I need to loose about 13 kilos so I’m in it for the long haul… I’ll share some of the recipes with you and maybe we can track each other? In anycase, I wish you the best of luck on your mission.
I’ve emailed you
One other thought, keep a food diary and note down EVERYTHING that passes your lips, food as well as drink. My husband has been doing this since mid March and he has lost 8 kgs so far. It makes you MUCH more conscious of what you are eating and can only help.
Wow! Congrats to your hubby! If he’s following the info you sent me then he must be enjoying his food and yet still loosing weight
Food diary will start tomorrow!
It’s not about ‘dieting’ but about being aware of what you eat, knowing what is good for your body and what isn’t and eating sensibly and healthily. Don’t let yourself get too hungry as you risk bingeing when you next eat. Little and often is key. ‘Good’ food cooked properly is bloody gorgeous and you should look forward to every meal, savour it and feel satisfied when you have eaten it. And a little of what you fancy every now and again will NOT ruin the game plan. Don’t try and lose too much weight too quickly – guidelines reckon 1 kg a week is healthy. Weigh yourself at the same time each day. And DO TRY TO EXERCISE as the weight WILL come off easier if you do.
Here endeth tonight’s lecture!!!!!
Oh Penny, you’re so right! Diets are set to fail as of course, you don’t change your eating habits so as soon as you stop the weight just piles on! This is where I have gone so wrong so many times over the past 2 years… Diet is now banned from my vocab, I’m on a healthy mission to change my eating (and drinking) habits!
Excercise won’t be an option for me for a little while due to injuries unless it’s in the pool so if the sun wants to come out and help me along the way I will be very grateful! I am trying to walk everyday too… but there’s not much to walk to around here other than the food or clothes shops!
As this distressing condition spans all age groups, and seems to be very difficult, nay, almost impossible to cure, have you considered that it might be caused by a virus?
Despite an almost starvation diet (crosses fingers behind back), and rigorous bouncing on the rebounder, I only seem to get bigger.
Definitely a virus.
Oh, I’m all for the virus thing!
A VIRUS! Well, of course, that’s what it must be…
Have you been drinking lots of lovely French wine merewoman? Its either that or a virus, I’m sure!
Ackcherly, PIF, I hardly drink. Probably no more than 2 glasses a week, if that. I don’t particularly like wine.
Definitely a virus.
I just thought of this; do you know about the website http://www.sparkpeople.com ? It’s got all kind of tools for tracking food and exercise and lots of articles, communities and blogs about getting fit/ health problems etc. It’s been voted as best blog in the US several times. And, it’s free!
You might want to check it out as it could be a good tool for you.
Best of luck!
I literally just found this on my iPhone when look for an app the other night after Penny’s suggestion of keeping a food diary! I didn’t know they had a website as well!
The iPhone app is great, I enter all my food intake and it calculates the calories plus the fat, protein, carbs etc.
Thanks so much for suggesting, I’ll have a look at the site now