A lovely evening - View from the north - East Lyon region
My desire to be more assertive was further increased last Saturday evening when we went to a Birthday dinner celebration at friends.
I’d met their other friends a year ago for the same occasion, so it wasn’t as if I was meeting new people (I am quite shy) so I was looking forward to the evening.
Quickly after arriving however, I realized that I was going to be in for a long, long evening as I remembered my evening of English bashing from the year before. “oh no”, I groaned, “what have I done?”. I longed to go home and to enjoy a nice glass of chilled Rose by the pool, but I thought of my friends who I simply adore, and I wasn’t going to abandon them as they’d moved the party date especially so that we could be there.
As the other guests arrived, they each took it in turn to remark that I am the English girl and that they hoped I spoke French. For goodness sake, they had met me a year ago and whilst I was greeting them couldn’t they tell from what I was saying to them I spoke French? It wasn’t promising that they couldn’t even understand their own bloody language was French and not English as they replied to me!
They hardly spoke to me all evening and any time I did try to speak to them they took the piss out of my accent and launched into private jokes amongst themselves. My friends were dismayed and kept apologizing, they were so embarrassed by their friends but I told them to leave it, it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to ruin their celebrations.
So, I attempted humoring the English insulting, ignorant French friends (thankfully not all French are like this, like not all English are mousy like me!) realizing the evening would be extremely long if I didn’t, after all, sometimes you have to make an effort to fit in as people can be uncomfortable with difference. It wasn’t worth the effort. Whilst trying to make conversation with them, my inner assertive voice was dying to scream out “Do not label me, you, you…French PERSON!” but my exterior mouse kept my assertive voice at bay and was more of an ally to them than to me.
As I served up the salad I’d made (Courgette Summer Salad – see recipe here), everyone looked at it suspiciously, muttering that they didn’t like English food, saying it was gross, would give them tummy ache, would make them retch, would be tasteless… So rude! Seething, I would have had steam coming from my nose and ears, but thankfully they were blocked with pollen allergies, I wanted to shout at them. I had not stood grating courgettes and making salad for an hour (I had made enough for 20 people) for them to instantly turn their noses up, like spoiled children, and declare they weren’t going to eat it without even having a taste first! Had I mistaken the evening for La Maternelle school?
So I betrayed myself and told them it was my Belle-Mere’s recipe. As soon as they were satisfied it was French they all tucked in and the compliments flowed. Instantly I regretted what I had said, this wasn’t her recipe, I didn’t know it and had only been inspired by it. I should not have been a traitor and I should have stood my ground and been assertive.
I was dreading dessert. I already knew that under normal circumstances that I was going to be the laughing stock, as I had made a ridiculous attempt at a Victoria Sponge birthday cake and had spotted that I was the only person who had brought something homemade with them.
Can you read what is written?
I had encountered every disaster in the kitchen; my cake wouldn’t rise, it then stuck to the tin and crumbled when I managed to release it and I’d not been able to buy double cream to go inside. I had covered the cake with choccy icing sugar and M&M’s to try and add some height and to cover the monstrosity but I was not kidding anyone.
As the birthday cake was served up, I had an instant pang of pride and the belittling comments of others had no further effect. This was my vengeance. Dry, crumbly cake with lots of chocolate – I hoped they choked on it.
4 Useful Suggestions to Frenchies who meet me from now on:
1. Do not assume that I don’t speak French, just because you don’t speak any other languages don’t automatically think that everyone else is as ignorant.
2. Do not make jokes about me in French. Because you are convinced I don’t speak French you don’t think I’ll understand you. But I do!
3. Do not take the p**s out of my foreign accent: this stems from points 1 & 2 but deserves it’s own point. By this time you’ve understood perfectly well what I’m saying but you still take the p**s because for you it’s amusing. Stop and think: I get this EVERY day!
4. Do not label: okay, I wasn’t born in France but I live here now. Aside from my foreignness I am a real human being, with hobbies, interests etc just like you. I am not an alien from another planet. You can communicate with me.
My tolerance bowl is full, so I strongly, strongly recommend that any Frenchies read the above and pay attention before they meet me. The next person to be so belittling will experience the full wrath of my inner voice. Even mousy me is determined to let it out!!
It’s not nice, but both nationalities do the same, and maybe they’ve met some ignorant Brits in the past.
I just ignore them, there are enough nice French people around to just forget the others.
I try to think up some useful phrases to respond with in future, for instance, if they (deliberately) don’t understand you you could try “sorry, I thought you spoke French, would you prefer conversing in Czech, Swahili, or whatever.
Having the p**s taken is just part of living in a foreign country! We usually take the pee out of ourselves before they do (pardon, je suis un rosbif).
I have to admit, apart from the odd occasion, they’re very accommodating around here. The standard greeting between our neighbour and us is a friendly “saloperie d’anglais!” “saloperie de français!”.
In defence of the French, our neighbour fixed the strimmer of a Brit down the road and the other day while the Brit was here, our neighbour passed by with the usual “saloperie…”, and the Brit just totally ignored him, thankfully the latter is leaving next week, but just one like that can sour the whole entente cordiale.
Hi Gillpj, long time no see! I hope you’re well?
It’s not nice, but as you say there are enough nice French people around. It’s nice that you have a good relation with your neighbours, I do with mine too, its so much more agreeable!
To be honest, it’s not something that usually bothers me, and I normally play along fine, taking the mick out of me and them, ribbing each other and having a laugh. I’m usually the first to laugh at myself and sometimes play on it as a way of breaking the ice. You see, when it’s a laugh (as what you described with your neighbours) it’s fine.
But last Saturday was nothing short of bullying, there was no pleasant conversation, just sarcastic comments, put downs, private jokes and sniggering and no-one spoke to me apart to take the p**s. Whenever I tried to ask questions or participate in the conversation, more private jokes, snickering and laughter followed. This lasted 5 hours so there was plenty of time for normal conversation!
Sweet revenge — literally! For the record, i think the cake looks pretty good, even if you insist that it was dry and crumbly.
It took me a long time to stand up for myself against the french because they can be so closed minded — even if you try to tell them that they are mistaken about something (i.e. “all english food is unedible”) they are so set in their ignorant ways that it’d be a waste of time. I finally just started picking on something of theirs when this happened to me (“oh, and tripes de caen is SO much better”..). But then again, i’m somebody that doesn’t know how to keep my mouth shut to save my life. And don’t they know our foreign accents are charming??
I hope that the next time you encounter douchebags like this that you’ll have some more good revenge cooked up, or that you will have mustered up the courage necessary to give them a piece of your mind instead
Don’t dismay, I’ve gotten more compliments and interest about being American from the French than insults. But then there is a different historical relationship between the French and the English than with us Americans.
Keep working on your French, that will be your best revenge. Then you can zing them with some wittiness that they weren’t expecting. Remeber: Revenge is a dish that best served cold.
I can’t figure out the word you put on the cake.
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I feel you. I went through this playful/cruel chastising for QUITE a while. My first year here was not an easy one, and I didn’t realize how unhappy it was making me until later. The French can sometimes be insensitive about what expats deal with and I see you’re getting a good dose of that.
Sorry to hear it.
Assertion is a difficult thing to throw at the French. They like people who stand up for themselves because it shows self-respect… but you can’t lay it on too thick or you’ll start a feud. And they are annoyingly relentless.
I got through it by teasing. Make fun of something they or the French in general do to change the subject and therefore focus from you to them. They usually back (the ef) off in a blink when I do that!
Good luck. Would love to have a bitchfest w/ you sometime lol.
Please don’t take it to heart PIF it’s not just the French!
We had a similar situation when we went to a party in Portugal hosted by an English man and his German wife. There was a mix of nationalities and we were the only English couple.
The men went off to play pool and the host decided there would be 2 teams. English/Dutch/Belg V Germans.
Not a good idea.
When the German team started to lose, one of the Germans started to verbally abuse hubby. “You English are Cheating B****s just like you did in zee Vorld cup and 2 Vorld Vars” I’d already given hubby the 3rd degree before we arrived “Don’t get into any arguments about football and definitely don’t mention the war or the Jews” perhaps we are to politically correct? Poor Hubby bless him he just bit his tongue out of respect for his hosts.
I only learned of the above exchange after we returned home.
However, when the men decided to join the ladies I wondered why hubby was literally chewing a wasp when the same man proceeded to launch a further attack on the English “Nelson was ze Pirate” and “Shakespeare could not have possibly been Englizh, as he was too well educated” errr
I was so embarrassed by this mans rudeness and obvious attempt to pick a fight. How dare he be so rude not just to us but one of the hosts was English. So we said nothing but why? WHY?
We still rant about it now but it would have been worse had we said anything at the party – as it was you could cut the air with a knife.
You are not mousey Piglet you are just polite!
PS next time try making them my carrot cake!
Only way to win at their game is to give it right back to them! If you hear them talking badly about you in French, make a crack back that proves you understood!
We’ve all gone through this and it’s not pleasant, but if you show you’re not willing to be walked on, they’ll learn their lesson!
How awful that people should behave this way. So different to the Turks…who wouldn’t dream of taking the piss out of a foreign accent, and even if you attempt just a few words of Turkish they are delighted and praise your grasp of the language.
You need an assertiveness training course I think!
Some French are rude.. very rude! It stems from the fact you are English .. The English won all the wars and thus, English is a dominant language vs. their french. For some reason they just “”can’t let it go”" They wanted world domination, and well…it was the English!
and i hate when you speak french , they act like they can not understand a word you are saying..because you are not native! UGH>>so crazy
So i feel for you.. Gets some guts girl..and say .. Hey I am ENGLISH! Sorry , ..you lost the war…. sucker. You are welcome to borrow my AMERICAN English ..any time
What an awful party! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It made me angry just reading about it and I wasn’t even there!
As a lot of other people have commented, we’ve all been there. Have some zingers to throw back at them for next time. (Actually, *I* need to learn some zingers myself, so please share here!)
God, what a terrible evening – I’m sorry you had to deal with such rude people! I’d be livid if anyone took the piss out of my accent – I mean, I know it’s not great, but it’s such a petty thing to pick on! When they live in a foreign country and speak the language flawlessly with no discernible accent, then they can take the piss out of my French, is my view!
Next time, I’d go home. Your friends won’t mind – they must have realised how appallingly their other guests were behaving, but even if not, pretend illness and leave early. There’s no need to spend time with people who are just going to be mean to you!
How awful for you. What a long and miserable evening that must have been. Actually, I’m really surprised. Surprised that the French could be so rude, surprised that the hostess didn’t sort them out, and surprised that you didn’t catapoult the chocolate cake into their rude midst and walk out.
I know that the French have a reputation for being rude and xenophobic, but where we live I have truly never met one French person who has been rude in a social environment. They’ve even eaten my food politely, albeit hesitantly
and complimented me on it.
Shame on your friend’s friends for being so bad-mannered as to offend a guest in somebody else’s house. They’re the kind of people who give the French a bad name.
Ahh, how terrible! I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of similar behavior & it’s hard to “bite back” if you’re not into playing their game – which most often I’m not! Thankfully, most French people I’ve met are kind, curious about you, & want to make you feel as comfortable as they would want to be treated at your home. It’s those few that give the rest a bad name & make it hard for us foreigners. I say keep doing what you’re doing & know it’s them & not you who have the problem!
I agree with Lindsey though; sometimes a quick comment can put them in their place & let them know that you can stand on your own in La belle France… & can make one fine chocolate cake in the process
Aw Piglet, this is such an awful story. I feel enraged that they subjected you to such “Mean Girl” behaviour – and from adults no less. They need to learn some manners. Who treats people like that? Honestly.
I also sympathise with you feeling shy – I am outgoing usually, but only to a point. I will avoid confrontation like nobodies business, so even though when having the p*ss taken out of me, and being belittled for my poor Frenc or different views on the world – I will be thinking of all sorts of comebacks and zingers, but I would never, ever use them.
I’m not sure if it’s a trait of French people per se, more when a group of ignorant, mean-spirited people from anywhere get together – they start behaving like obnoxious teenagers. It’s inexcusable and you did incredibly well not to lose it.
xxx
People can be such asshats, no matter where they are from, huh. What a bunch of losers. I actually think you handled it pretty well, all said and done, and were clearly the bigger person in the whole situation. I’m glad that your good friends were appalled by their other friends’ behavior, but I wish they had spoken up. I think the burden of the situation was upon those friends — they should have said something, and not left you in that position.
Still — while I know that you wish your inner mouse would have given way to the powerful person to dish some of the same back, I am glad you handled it the way you did. Bad karma on them!! *FTOU* (that’s me, spitting, on the whole situation)
This story came right out of ones I have read elsewhere, notably the memoir Almost French by Sarah Turnbull. I don’t know what it is that some French have this need to act like children in this way — I don’t know why it is that foreigners bring up this kind of response. I feel badly that 14 years later, you are still dealing with this kind of crap from people at parties like this.
BTW — *great* article in the expat focus, Piglet!! I really enjoyed reading that. You are a talented writer.
Dear Piglet,
I am soooo sorry for this. I,personally, think you are an extremely nice and kind hearted person and I would never label you as being English, American,French, whatever. It’s a shame they behaved like that and I can fully understand your anger. Apart from that, I will risk to make a quick judgement- I don’t think the French people you met there were educated. So , I will label them as ignorant in all possible ways.
Somehow I have been through my life in similar circumstances but with my fellow Romanians. Being a family that practically , has had to move on a regular basis from town to town ( due mainly to business arrangements) we socialised with various work colleagues and found ourselves as being labelled as ” outsiders ” in different parts of Romania…. It can be tough here, were everyone asks you if you are from the South ,West ,North or East and trust me, it is so unplesant to be the only South girl in a party where everyone is a North Girl and everyone takes pride in her own Northern accent and Northern ” damn ” spirituality ( like such thing could ever exist). Anyway, I have noticed that people that come from not very educated backgrounds usually do not care much about being polite at parties. They usually do not talk to other guests, they keep making jokes they understand alone ( because the jokes have somethig to do with a very particular thing only the spoker and the host might know and relate to ); basically, at such a party ,it happened to me to stay virtually alone in a room with other 20 people. If I hadn’t known them before that party no one would have ever bothered to talk to me ( not to me only but to any of the “new-guests” so to speak). I consider it a very tribal, primitive narrow mind way of acting and I am sure it has to do with the way they have been raised. It’s like their world consists only of what they know and nothing else can touch them or interfere with their ( isolated) minds. Educated, open minded people, people with at least rudiments of social culture would take the opportunity of meeting someone new, no matter if she is new in town/country/area etc . It has to be very disappointing to you. To me what they did does not come as a surprise ( or maybe it is some sort of a surprise, since I have thought before that this way of acting is a Romanian particularity only ). It shows it is not…
The main point is your friend is a nice person, she wanted you to be there, she postponed the party to have you there, certainly she is not guilty her old friends ( part of them ) are assholes….
After 10 years I’ve given up offering my French neighbours anything vaguely English. Mulled wine on Boxing Day … ‘urgh!’ Pimms on a hot day in July …. ‘trés bizarre!’
And for God’s sake don’t offer them any home grown produce … Jerusalem artichokes? ‘Oh no, lived on them in the war.’ Walnuts?… don’t know what was wrong with them, but it involved clutching the stomach and rolling the eyes.
But though my neighbours wouldn’t touch the mulled wine, they demolished a plate of home-made mince pies, and even took some home with them. Probably ate them as a dessert after the tripe Madame Voisine told me she was cooking for their post Christmas Day lunch !
What a horrible experience. Guests at a party should treat each other with respect. Everyone’s there to have a good time, right? In Asia people are so happy if you attempt to learn their language and treat visitors with so much more courtesy.
In such situations it’s a good idea to point out that you are bilingual and they are not. So who’s better? (Childish?)
I’m sorry to add this, but I have come across a lot of Brits who aren’t very well-behaved, in fact some of them are downright rude. My mom had a horrible experience with a British co-passenger on her flight last week and came home literally in tears.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all need to respectful of other cultures. The experience you had to go through was totally unfair.
WTF?! I was really angry reading this! And I don’t care of some English people do this, and some French people do this, it’s just plain rude!
And good for you for being able to stick it out and stay civil, I don’t think I would have been able to handle it. Maybe it’s because I’m still fairly knew to living in a foreign land where I’m vulnerable, but I probably would have either burst into tears or lashed out.
I had a quasi similar experience last night… we were having dinner at my brother-in-law’s and one of his friends who always makes little jokes about my not speaking French and my accent (I may not be fluent yet but I can understand almost everything and make myself understood even if the sentence structure is all wrong). Well last night he was really getting on my nerves and my husband was able to tell so he said; “You might want to stop with the teasing, you don’t really know Sara but she’s not very nice and if you don’t stop, she’ll probably throw that beer in your face.” Amazingly he was mute for the rest of the evening!
Chin up dear Piglet xo
I would have tried your salad! I think it looks delicious! I guess I am glad that I am married to a German because while they might be a little to honest in their opinions I have never had anyone be so rude to me. I have only found the Germans to be very helpful when my German has lacked. Sorry you had such a lousy time! I say move to Italy. The people are even nicer their!
What a horrible evening…did those blighters think you were the cabaret or something?
In over twenty years in France I’ve only had one experience like that…and it was miniature compared with yours, but it was hurtful and I still remember it.
I do come across the willful refusal to understand perfectly good if accented French from time to time, but I seem to have left my ingrained politeness with my English…I don’t have hang ups about being rude in French for some reason….and hit back.
I wouldn’t have thrown the cake…too good for them!
Aw, big thanks and big hugs to all of you for your support and kindness!! Sorry I’ve not been around these last few days, it has been mental with work and I go away to Corsica tomorrow! I have also been busy plotting my revenge
@Amber: you’re being very kind about my cake! Thanks! It wasn’t that bad, it had so much jam in but if you compare it to the beautiful cakes you can get in france then it was gross, but I loved it all the same.
A lot of the French people I know are close minded especially when it comes to foreign food. So what type of things do you say to them? Any feisty putdowns you can suggest would be most welcome…
@Dedene: Oh yes, the history! I’m forever getting comments on history. Unluckily for them though I am useless at history so can’t get stuck into a debate, I just look at them blankly and the ribbing soon grinds to a halt. I also get many compliments and much interest which is always pleasant, but just recently I seem to have encountered some of the rudest people I have met in my life. I’m going to practice some puts downs.
@Shan: Yes, I think a good bitch fest would be a GREAT idea! I normally tease too, you’re right it’s a very difficult balance. Sometimes I go too far and people say I’m aggressive so it’s quite hard to stand up for yourself without offending them at the same time. If someone takes things too far like what happened here I just don’t bother anymore. I’ve got plenty of friends and don’t need to be winning over douchebags like these people.
I hope you’re feeling happier and more equipped to deal now?
@PigletinPortugal: Well, this definitely proves that it’s just not a French thing or an any nationality thing, but just damn rude people! Rosabell mentioned further down about education and I would agree – these people are not socially educated to interact with others! As for the English host, maybe she had become accustomed to the rude comments and didn’t hear them anymore? This type of thing can wear you down until you cease to pay attention.
I don’t know what sort of person gets off on being so nasty to others, but you know the bullies at school do grow up so…
There won’t be a next time for me or my cakes, and I’m certainly not going to waste your lovely carrot cake!!
@Lindsey: This is exactly what I would like to do! Only problem is, even though fluent in French, I can’t think of anything to say straightaway, other than something totally aggressive or swearwords which would be eating into their hands. I have the same problem in English though! Any suggestions on what I could say?
Ayak: Turkey sounds lovely and it must be lovely to live in a place where you are encouraged rather than sneered at! Just yesterday a receptionist told me it wasn’t her fault that I couldn’t read (in a really insulting manner) because I was having problems pronouncing a medical term on a prescription when trying to book an appointment. Hubby (who’s French) wasn’t sure on pronunciation either. My god, did I give her two barrels down the phone!! Later, Hubby called her back to ask to change the appointment (I had a migraine so wasn’t up to speaking) and she was just as rude to him so just goes to show that it isn’t a nationality thing at all in her case.
astheroshe : Hello, thank you for stopping by! Sorry you had to read such a moan on your first visit, thankfully my life in France is a lot more pleasant normally. Or at least I like to think it is.
I have found a way to deal with people who pretend they can not understand: Say it again, but really really LOUD. It’s totally stupid but I have found it actually works.
I look forward to having more opportunity to follow your blog in the future, it looks just like my kind of place. : )
Paris (im) Perfect: As I read through it again this morning it made me angry too. I can’t believe I just sat there and took it all. I asked Hubby why he didn’t intervene and it’s because I had told him off in the past and said I needed to fight my own fights.
I’ll let you know what put down’s I come up with! In the meantime, why don’t we both try smiling insanely?
Nicole: These are my thoughts exactly! I think that might just be my put down for next time someone takes the piss. Or, I’ll switch the conversation to English and when they don’t understand I can put them in their place.
Merewoman: It was a long and miserable evening but thankfully some of the other guests were charming and with it being France the wine was excellent, so I think I drank more than my fair share!
You are lucky where you live, Lyon is rife with rudeness in general so it’s no surprise that racist comments also flow freely. But then, you get idiots everywhere so I’m convinced it’s not just a French thing, some people are just bullies and will pick on anyone who is different.
Poor, poor you! I totally sympathise. I lived in France for nearly six years, and got utterly sick and tired of that sort of behaviour. It’s utterly unforgivable, and strangely nearly always directed at those of us who do actually have a fluent grasp of French, rather than the hundreds of more deserving targets that only bother to learn ten words of French but consider learning the approximate pronunciation of said words a step too far. I also speak two other foreign languages, and to anyone that takes the piss in any of them (I have to say that the only real piss-takers so far have been the French), I always say ‘when you can speak English as well I can speak your language, you can laugh at me all you want’. It usually shuts them up… Good luck!
@Tuula: Luckily I am like you and these horrible people are just a minority for me too! You’re very kind calling my cake a fine one! Thank you : )
@B: At least you can think of them! I wish I could! Maybe you could share some and at least it will help me feel better thinking them even if I won’t have the courage to use them.
Obnoxious teenagers is exactly how they could be described. It’s a shame to meet people like them but thankfully I meet lots of other nice people. It’s always the horrible ones that stick in your mind though isn’t it?
@Karin: Thank you! I write in Frenglish these days and don’t often apply myself as I should so writing was quite a challenge! I am pleased you liked it as I love your writing style so it means heaps to me. Thank you.
My friends are used to seeing a stronger side of me, I’m not so shy with people I know, so they were probably surprised I didn’t stand up for myself as with them I’m comfortable so don’t hesitate to say if something’s not right. A typical trait of an introvert unfortunately.
It seems as if this is a universal response to foreigners, to people being different. For me, this difference would awaken my curiosity and would intrigue me, it wouldn’t be a source for teasing but then it takes all sorts to make a world doesn’t it?
I don’t know Sarah Turnbull, I guess I will look this one up : )
Thanks for your support Karin, I hope you’re doing well.
Ps. I’m half way through your last blog post at the moment, it’s been a really hectic week! I hope to get finished soon as I’m enjoying it thus far, especially the photos of the ethnic wedding.
@Rosabell: You are so right! I think you have summed this up perfectly!
I am sorry to read though that you have experienced similar problems in your OWN country! That is really dreadful, people can be so cruel and so clique.
I had noticed that in some very rural parts of France people are wary of outsiders, whether they be French or foreign, in fact it is often in these places that the Extreme Right political party of Le Pen get seats. People are scared of what is unfamiliar and do not know anything else so everything represents a threat. Maybe Romania is like rural France too? You wouldn’t expect this type of behaviour in a modern, cosmopolitan city though!
@Jo: Walnuts? What’s wrong with walnuts? It sounds as if your neighbours could maybe relatives of the people I met? Mulled wine is a hit here, most of my friends request it and whenever we go skiing that’s all we drink (and maybe that’s not a good thing as we then can’t ski so well!). I didn’t get as much success with mince pies although they weren’t homemade. Even worse though was Christmas Pudding, what a disaster! My Family in law were talking about it for ages! I don’t suppose it helped that I tried to cook it in the microwave and the plastic melted… oops. I wouldn’t have fancied tripe though especially for Christmas day. Maybe Mme Voisin’s guests left the tripe and dined on mince pies instead? Probably I think!
@nmaha: I agree with you totally! There are rude people in every culture, maybe they should all live together in one country and then we can truly say that X nationality are rude LOL! I sometimes get embarrassed by my compatriots when they misbehave but at least we all have the common sense not to generalize unlike the stupid people I met last week! I am still trying to guess where you’re based, now I’m one step closer, Asia?
@SaraLouise: Sorry to hear you had a nasty experience to cherie, you should just have thrown the beer at ‘em! What an excellent thing your husband did! Maybe I should suggest that mine does the same thing? Bravo to him!
@Kelleyn: One of my closest friends is German and what I love about her is I always know where I stand. There is no gossiping behind people’s back and no beating about the bush. She is very direct and it can shock sometimes but she’s a lovely friend with whom I can truly relax. I find the French to gossip and be very insincere but then that’s probably more of a girly trait than anything else and seeing as I only really know people in France I can’t say for sure…
As for moving to Italy, well! I think it would be somewhere that I would love to live as I love the food there and the culture generally. However, I don’t speak the language so it would be hard, but maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing?!
@Fly: You’re lucky not to have had more bad experiences, but you’ve probably adapted really very well. I have vowed that from today I am no longer going to take any SHITE and will give back as good as I get!
My French is fine, I just have a Jane Birkin accent, which surprisingly people understand if I shout! So I guess I will be shouting a lot soon! Watch out on the news for the mad English women that always shouts…
@statusviatoris: : I think I’m going to take a page out of your book too! Interesting though that your worst experiences of this type of behaviour have been in France. I wonder if it is a North/South/East/West type of divide and you get different reactions depending where you are?
TO ALL : A BIG BIG THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE. THIS HAS REALLY HELPED AND I HAVE HAD A CRAPPY WEEK AS WELL SO THANK YOU ALL!
“I am no longer going to take any SHITE and will give back as good as I get!”
Good for you! I used to be a shrinking violet before I came here, but only last week in the local RSI, I stood up and said “C’est impossible!” (Usual “not our office, you have to go here”).
)
I’ve given a delivery man an earful for leaving a card without knocking on the door.
It’s so not me, but something France teaches you (or it could be I’m just getting old and grumpy
Have a great holiday!
And to Rosabell
“and found ourselves as being labelled as ” outsiders ” in different parts of Romania”
We have a neighbour down the road, from another part of France who’s lived here for over 20 years, but is still says he’s an outsider. He’s from Champagne (which was very handy for our wedding, as he supplied it!).
In the UK, it’s just the same. I’m not saying people are unfriendly, just that you never are and never will be a “local”
Woo hoo!! You were, like, the comment queen in this post!
Hee hee! I am so glad that so many gave you some love here. It’s nice to see people support you so much! (And you deserve it…)
Oh crap. That must have been horrible. Poke them in the eye with a frosh leg next time!!