Since her arrival on April 28th, Baby Piglet has illuminated our lives and been our source of joy and happiness whilst we continue to live in limbo.
This is her birth story, written quickly as a form of therapy for me. If you’ve never given birth or are squeamish you may not want to read, there may be too much information. It’s a long story but it was important for me to put it all down and I do feel better for doing so. I don’t know if I’ll be able to read it again for a long while though.
Ever since I was 28 weeks pregnant, I was told by the French medical professionals that I risked giving birth early and that I was to rest as much as possible. At 36 weeks, I was told that I wouldn’t make it to 38 weeks. Needless to say, when 38 weeks came and went I was disappointed and when 40 weeks came and went my disappointment deepened and I felt as if she would never arrive and that I would remain pregnant forever.
The day before her due date, I spent a sleepness night enduring regular contractions. They were coming every five minutes and were like nothing I had felt before. I had been scared that I would not know when labour arrived, but suddenly I had no doubt. This was it. After several hours of dealing with them (I didn’t want to go to hospital too early and be stuck on a bed), a hot bath and a manic rush to pack my suitcase, Mr Piglet and I set off for the hospital in Valence.
I had planned to give birth in Lyon and had spent considerable time selecting a hospital and then had all my pre-natal visits there, but with the house situation and the fact that we were still at the inlaws, a two hour car journey when in labour was not plausible so we settled for the hospital in Valence.
Upon arriving at the hospital I was examined and told that I wasn’t ready to give birth and that it wasn’t going to be for today as I wasn’t ripe. I was invited to go back the day after my due date (two days later) for a monitoring and was sent home with some tablets to stop the contractions and a sleeping pill.
How could I not be ripe? What did it mean anyway? Bitterly disappointed that it wasn’t my time and confused about being ripe and what it meant, I researched on the internet and then proceeded to eat a whole pineapple (which wasn’t very ripe either!) and was ready to face the onset of awful heartburn. I slept throughout the afternoon and had a few minor contractions but by the evening they were taking my breath away again.
Of course, I’d already been here and had these painful contractions, so I was sure that I was just a wimp and that these were yet more false labour signs and I was just being too sensitive to the pain.
At midnight the contractions were coming every ten minutes. Still not regular enough for me to consider them as being the real deal, I dealt with them as I could and tried to fall back to sleep in between each one. I’d been told categorically by the hospital that until they were five minutes apart for one hour lasting one minute for each contraction it wasn’t time.
I battled through the night in silence, whimpering to myself and trying not to wake anyone up. I dealt with the pain by stomping my feet, banging the wall and breathing. By the time morning came the pain was even more intense, each contraction would start slowly in my lower back, would reach up to my kidneys and then wrap around me and my bump and tighten like a belt trying to cut me in half.
At 7 am I tried to eat breakfast, I woke Mr Piglet up and told him of my pain. The contractions were still 10 minutes apart so we decided to call the hospital and see what they suggested. It was all pretty much déjà vu as I’d been through this the night before so we were reluctant to go to the hospital without checking first.
Whilst Mr Piglet was on the phone I took my shower and the contractions started coming quicker and quicker… 7 minutes, 5 minutes, 3 minutes. I shouted that it was time to go, grabbed a hairbrush and whatever toiletries were close by and panic stricken off we set. Something was definitely going on and terror took over.
The car journey was hell. The contractions were every 2 minutes now and I seriously started to wonder if we were going to make it to the hospital. I didn’t even care that Mr Piglet was in the fast lane, driving at 150 kmh and more, flashing his lights with his indicators going. I think he was pretty terrified as well.
Thankfully the 45 minute journey was over in just under 30 minutes and we dashed into the hospital. By this point tears were streaming and I was beginning to panic. I was examined immediately and the midwife asked a colleague to check me as they couldn’t believe how much I had dilated. They told me to keep the figures to myself as I was over 7 cms dilated and that they would tell the anaesthetist I was at 5 cms otherwise I wouldn’t get an epidural.
The next instances were a whirlwind and before I knew it I was sitting on a bed with a big plastic sheet on my back and a mad woman whom I couldn’t understand was brandishing a large needle and coming towards me. As I glanced at Mr Piglet I could see fear in his eyes so I concentrated on deep breathing and prayed I wouldn’t get a contraction whilst she was putting the needle in. I had originally wanted to give birth without an epidural but the back labour was so excruciatingly painful I decided to get one, as after all its not the labour that’s important but what happens after and if Mummy’s tired then its pointless. Or so I thought.
As the drugs kicked in, the next few hours were wonderful. I could move my legs and could still feel my contractions but the pain had been taken away. I thanked the heavens for such a wonderful invention and started to look forward to meeting my daughter.
After a few more hours the midwife suggested that they break my waters as things had slowed down somewhat (hospitals always have that effect on me). They wanted to take this opportunity to push Baby Piglet down lower as well as she was still too high up and I was nearly fully dilated.
My midwife was fantastic and had a wicked sense of humour. She was mentoring a trainee midwife and suggested that he break the waters. As he came towards me with what looked like a knitting needle I was apprehensive and kept a close eye on him. I’m glad I did as what happened next will remain engraved in my memory forever. He went about what he needed to do and there was a great big gush of water that squirted out from me, all over him! It literally hit him in the face! The midwife burst into laughter as did I and the poor trainee quickly vacated the area, absolutely drenched. I could hear other people laughing in the corridors as he went to get changed. Poor guy!
After a while the ob-gyn came by and checked me and told the midwife that it was time for me to push. The midwife didn’t agree as she felt that Baby Piglet was still not engaged enough so she asked for another half hour. She did some more checks and discovered that Baby Piglet was actually sunny side up which would present a difficulty for the birth. She did what she could to try and get her to change position including putting me on the side, on all fours etc.
It was during this time that I felt the most pain I had ever felt. It was in my butt and came up my lower back. I was positively howling at this stage, what was my epidural doing? It had stopped working!? What seemed like panic broke out in the room and suddenly it was full of people. The Ob-Gyn was back, the anaesthetist was there again doing something to the epidural and there were other people I hadn’t seen. The pain persisted; I just wanted to get off the table and the hell out of there. I couldn’t imagine having to push and expulse the baby whilst in this much pain. I was losing my mind. The epidural kicked back in but the butt pain continued and started getting worse and worse.
Frantic talk occurred all around me, I was no longer fully functional and my French language skills were fading away. I grasped certain words: ventouse, forceps, c-section… I couldn’t care less, I just wanted them to put an end to the pain I was in.
They installed me and it was time to push. Suddenly I was so concentrated on the task ahead that I was no longer in pain. I didn’t even notice the instruments that the Ob-Gyn was preparing and using.
After what seemed like seconds (but was actually closer to half an hour), a blue lump comparable to an uncooked roast chicken landed on my tummy. My first reaction was “urgh, what is that?”! Mr Piglet then cut the umbilical cord and my baby was wiped clean and given back to me.
I was thrilled. The pain had been worth it. Baby Piglet had been born on April 28th at 1613. She weighed in at 3540 kg and measured 49 cms. I was delighted! She was gorgeous and I felt a need a strong need to protect her it scared me.
I vaguely noticed how many people were still in the room and whilst the Ob-Gyn continued to work on me, Mr Piglet and I sung “I’m a Little Pea” by the Red Hot Chilly Peppers to Baby Piglet. I do not know what possessed us to this but we needed to distract ourselves from what was going on and we felt as if we needed to distract her as well. Was this the first maternal instinct that we had?
Later on, back in the room, the epidural started to wear off as did the emotional pain killer of becoming a Mummy and as I got up to go to the toilet it felt as if my insides were going to fall out of my backside. Terrified I tried to explain to Mr Piglet what I was feeling. It was late, no Doctors were on hand to ask, we called a midwife who said it was normal and came back with an ice pack. I pleaded Mr Piglet not to leave me, I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t move – the pain was so bad.
I didn’t sleep that night. I felt too bad. All I could do was stare at my beautiful baby daughter sleeping next to me and at my darling husband sleeping on the floor. This was not how I had envisaged things, I hadn’t had the perfect pregnancy, we didn’t have a home, I had hoped to have at least a perfect birth and be a smiley happy Mum in her bedroom with her newborn. I’d even had my roots done a few days earlier so I could look good in the photos!
I should have known not to tempt fate, I only appear in one or two photos since she was born and they were taken immediately after I had showered. Generally I was slumming it in the hospital night gown and had dreadlocks for hair. My suitcase and make up bag remained untouched.
Over the next two days my pain persisted and I was given paracetemol and an anti-inflammatory. It seemed as if the staff were annoyed with me and I was told that I didn’t look like I was in pain. My parents had arrived and were horrified when they saw me try and go to the toilet. My Mum broke into tears.
Mr Piglet had had enough and demanded that someone come and see me. I was in pain and even though it may not be visible to them I am quite a tough cookie (to have endured what I had already endured was proof enough) and I was over the moon with my daughter so I was distracted but it didn’t remove the pain. I was eventually taken for x-rays and later on told that I had dislocated my tailbone and that I would need to see an osteopath once I left hospital.
Leaving hospital in that state was not a possibility, I was due to leave the next day under normal French medical care. The staff were being nicer to me now that they knew I had a valid reason for sitting in bed in my PJ’s all day long. Mr Piglet demanded a copy of the x-rays as we couldn’t see how I could leave as I still couldn’t stand up. An orthopaedic surgeon was summoned (and appeared within an hour) on a Sunday, which in France is miraculous) and I was told that my coccyx wasn’t dislocated but broken!
By this point Baby Blues had set in and I was howling in misery. Upset I couldn’t look after my daughter I watched as her Daddy bathed, changed and cuddled her. She would lie next to me in her bassinet and we would look at each other but if she cried or if I wanted to pick her up I had to call for help. I felt so helpless all the time and the fact that I couldn’t even go to the toilet or wash myself was demeaning. This was a new lifetime low for me.
All I could do was feed her and it was if the hospital were set against me breastfeeding so I really had to fight for the only thing I had to offer my baby. Several times a day they would come and tell me she had failed her tests and that she needed supplementing from a bottle. Each time I refused. At my lowest point they actually came in with a bottle and I totally lost it! The midwife had warned me that the charts used by the hospital were for bottle fed babies but these people were making me feel so guilty I just had to get out of there.
It was now recognised that I was going to be in bed for a while (at least three to four weeks) so I was offered a transfer to another hospital, but I refused it as it was even further away from Mr Piglet and my friends than where I was! We enquired about home hospitalisation and whilst it is very rural at my inlaws, everything was quickly set in motion and before I knew it the ambulance was there picking me up.
We dressed Baby Piglet up in her going home outfit and I took a few pictures from my bed. She looked so serious, as if she was promising to be a good little girl for her Mummy that my heart broke. I cried all the way home in the ambulance.
Back at my inlaws it was fantastic. The house was all set so that I could sleep properly on an electric hospital style bed with the hand thing so I could hoist myself up. My Mum & Dad delayed their return home to stay and help us set things up so that Mr Piglet and I could cope. There was so much stuff I hadn’t prepared as I had just assumed I would be able to do it once I gave birth. Never did it occur to me that I would be in such a state.
So this is where I am now. Still in limbo at the inlaws, still not being able to look after my daughter and feeling sorry for myself but so proud of her and proud that I am able to offer her what she needs in terms of love and milk at least. I now have a wicked UTI and can no longer get out of bed. Right now it is one thing after another (I ripped my stitches whilst laughing also) and I’ve had enough of being me but my daughter gives me an incredible strength which allows me to keep going and that has enabled me to come off the stronger pain medication I was on for her benefit.
Thank you Lily-May, you have made this manageable for your Mummy. I love you.
She is SO beautiful, Piglet! What a lovely name you have chosen for her. I’m so very sorry you’ve had such a hard time and that it’s still not over. Sending you prayers and best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Thank you! We liked the name from the moment we heard it. It was important to us to have something that was easy to say and pronounced the same in both French and English.
The post partum bit is harder than the birth bit. The infections I have have made me go backwards but hopefully now things will just get better!
Oh no that experience does sound horrific. Try and stay positive, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous, and I’m not just saying that! She looks so precious. Take care, rest up and enjoy. Congratulations!
Thank you so much! Am being as positive as I can but I’m an independent person and its so hard having to rely on others and not being able to look after her. She’s such a sweetie though, it makes it all worthwhile 🙂
Oh poor Piglet! This is just horrible! What kind of doctors are there!!! Poor thing!
Baby Piglet looks wonderful and she is a true star! And I guess it was a little bit of fate in all of it, because now when you’re staying with in-laws, you have more help and everything.
In few months time you’ll forget about it and in years to come all of the Piglet family members will enjoy this story (in most positive way). I bet Baby Piglet will love it!
Take care, don’t worry about a thing – your daughter loves you and she’s with you, healthy and beautiful – that’s the most important thing.
Sending kisses and hugs! XOXO
Thank hyou so much for your kind words. as you say< I'm sure in a few years we will find it funny that she broke my butt!
The Doctors are butchers. Nothing more.
Oh, you poor darling, what a horrible experience. All I can say is rest assured your memory will fade – so much you’ll even consider having another one! She is a gorgeous little thing and she doesn’t care a dot if you have a broken tailbone or are confined to bed. All she needs is milk and cuddles and you can do that. Well done on getting through what was probably the hardest day of your life, and congratulations on having something so wonderful to show for it! All the best to the Piglet family. x x x
Thank you Kirsty. She certainly needs a lot of milk and cuddles! 🙂 She eats all the time bless her! She has her parents appetite!
Oh Piglet Lily-May is so perfect and beautiful. I feel so sad for all the pain and suffering you have endured and, are sadly, still enduring. Your story, minus the broken tailbone and home hospitalisation is very similar to BiP’s birth story.
DO NOT feel bad, incompetent or any of those terrible words about not being able to take care of Lily-May, that is what you have Mr Piglet for. I can promise you that in just a few short months you will be doing most of the changes and taking care of your precious daughter pretty much unaided.
You are an incredible mummy, seriously! Given all that you have endured you are set on breastfeeding – Lily-May is so lucky to have you.
Stay strong mama … we are all here for you xx
Thanks 🙂 Sometimes I think I am mad to let myself suffer as much as I am in order to feed her but then I look at her and realise I am offering her the best I can and that the pain meds don’t really work anyway as my pain is constant.
OMG! That was a birth and a half!
Still, now you have to concentrate on getting better and not thinking you’re a bad mum because you’re suffering in bed. Your lovely daughter doesn’t mind that you’re in bed and you’ll get better quickly if you stop worrying.
So things didn’t turn out how you expected… they never do, frankly. Cheer up chicken, you’re doing great!
Thanks Sarah, It would be too simple if things turned out to plan anyway wouldn’t it? And of course I should know by now that if something can go wrong for me it always does!
Gosh what a nightmare experience: Love you and yours…you all deserve wonderful things xx
Thank you so much, we’re so lucky to have her 🙂
Thank goodness you got out of there. I am glad you’re at home but not glad that your tail bone was broken. Was it the midwife trying to move her into position that caused it?
I have know idea exactly what caused it to break but I think it was before she tried to get me to move position as I had the most awful sudden pain before. I think it may have been when the baby went traverse whilst she was in the birthing canal.
I had to get out of hospital, I was going mad!
She’s lovely…and that little hat is just perfect!
What a flaming rotten time you had….but you’ll make up for it with your super husband and new daughter.
Don’t rush to try to get up and get started…you’ve plenty of time ahead of you for all that.
Take the rest while you can.
Hi Fly, yeah I got carried away ordering litle hats from Etsy at the end of my pregnancy… I love them, not very pratical given its 30 degrees here at the moment!
I have been “resting” for nearly a month now and if I didn’t have cabin fever before I certainly have it now! I am grateful that I have family to look after us and allow me time to get better.
You’ve just made me cry – and that doesn’t happen very often. Take care of yourself and your beautiful daughter, I hope you feel better soon and that your luck changes for the better!
I’m crying again now! Thanks you so much for your kind words, we hope our luck is finally changing now but things have continued to be hard for me, a new post will explai why soon.
Feel better soon, Piglet! Lily-May is gorgeous – and you are an awesome mom.
Thanks so much Sion! I think she’s gorgeous too but I am biased!
My “baby” Piglet – you were so unbelievably brave. Words failed me when I saw your pain and yes as a mother words were replaced by tears.
Chin up 🙂
PiP
Thanks Mum, I am so glad that you and Dad were there and that you were able to stay on and help. I hope I never have to see my daughter go through what I have had to go through.
Ouch! I cringed as I read, and wish I could help you heal more quickly. What a gripping story! Lily-May is beautiful, and you express your emotion superbly! Keep writing while stuck in bed.
(Grrr, doctors! Bureaucracy!)
Best wishes from Alaska
Thanks so much for stopping by and for the nice things you said. Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse an I havent been in a state to write as I’ll explain soon but hopefully our bad luck is ending now.
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I am so sorry you broke your tail bone. I broke my tail bone when my middle son was 6 months falling down the stairs. Definately no fun, and I can’t imagine how painful it would be to have to deal with this right after birth when everything else is so sore. She is beautiful!
It hurts doesn’t it?! It must have been very difficult with a 6 month old. I’m lucky that all Lily-May does is eat, sleep & cuddle!
I hope you start to feel better soon. Your daughter is beautiful! She must cheer you as you recover, what a cutie!
As I told you, my tail bone broke, too during my first labor. But maybe thanks to that, my second labor was a cinch. 1 hour from start to finsh…hardly any pain. Something to look forward too? 🙂
Hi Meredith! I’m not too sure right now that I would want to give birth again, I have had more complications since & am only just able to stand up without screaming nearly a month after.
Lily-May has definitely given me the courage I needed to get through this, she is my angel.
Wow – what a journey, and what a beautiful creation from it all. She is just gorgeous. Congratulations!!!
thank you 🙂
Congratulations on your beautiful little girl.
What a dreadful labour…I was in agony for you.
So glad I never have to go through that again!
thank you so much 🙂 labour isn’t something I will be doing again in a hurry!
ahhhh this is so interesting, well until I think of having children and then I think ouch!!!!!lol
It doesn’t sound an easy experience and I think you are amazing for what you have been through, you are a strong cookie. Lily-May is gorgeous! a real treasure. Congratulations. 🙂 x
thanks Claire! Be reassured most peoples experiences of birth are much better than mine!
What a gorgeous Lily May.
You have done so well and I so admire you standing up to all those nurses that think they know better when you know that breast is best.
Congratulations to you all. I hope there are lots of moments when you feel you could burst with loving her.
thanks Rosie. It wasn’t easy standing up for myself but it was worth it. Our feeding is well established now & she is gaining weight. My heart bursts with joy each time I see her or think of her 🙂
Hello Piglet, just chanced on your blog…congratulations on your bravery and your beautiful baby girl. From another mum who had a hellish birth, take it one step at a time, don’t stint on painkillers and believe me when I say that this will pass and life will become normal again…
best wishes for happy baby days and healing for you.
Hi Helen, thanks for your re-assurance. I am so sorry to read you had a difficult birth as well.
She is gorgeous. Don’t feel guilty – none of this was your fault and it sounds as though you are being very strong. Get well soon!
thank you, I don’t feel guilty anymore, just regretful but I am so pleased she’s here I would do it again in a blink of the eye.
I am stunned at how badly things went for you but the great news that you are home with this perfect beautiful little girl is heartwarming.
I am so very sorry that everything that should have been perfect and lovely for you was spoiled by the pain and complications, but the good news is that Yes, it is true, with time, you forget how awful it all was and you only remember the miracle of that beautiful little girl.
Congratulations to you and your husband and the family and best wishes on getting well quickly !
muchas besos, C
Thank you! Sadly things got worse after I posted this but we’re finally on the mend! Becoming a mother has been life changing for me.
What a lovely baby, and so glad she arrived, safe and sound. And I did read every bit — I agree that childbirth is a kind of trauma (no matter if one with a “good ending” of a healthy child), and it has to be recounted and decompressed, just like you wrote here: “It’s a long story but it was important for me to put it all down and I do feel better for doing so.” It has to be done, and I am so glad you did. 🙂 It’s easy to forget later exactly how things went, and it’s something worthy of remembering.
The part that I liked the most was the part about the intern/trainee midwife getting soaked (lol), and the part that made me cringe was knowing about your dislocated tailbone and how no one was doing anything about it, initially! You poor thing.
In about six weeks to a month from now, you’ll likely be feeling this is all “old hat” and much more adjusted. In the meantime, treasure this time when she is small. It goes by in an absolute flash!
Big love to you and your baby girl! (And to Mr Piglet, too, but I felt a little weird declaring love for him, hahaha! I just mean much love to your new little family, in total. 🙂 )
xx
Karin
Thanks Karin.
I do hope you’re right as I am completely traumatised by what has happened and am going to see a psy as soon as I can drive!
She has already changed so much in one month, it is frightening.
At least the trainee midwife gives me something funny to think about!
I cried a bit reading your story, my dear! I’ve been reading all your tweets from hospital and being concerned about you and babyppiglet… I know for you I may be just a stranger but I wish you all the best! Things in life have a strange way to work out… And I’m sure you know it!
Lily May is one of the most beautiful newborns I ever saw! I’m proud of you and I’m sending you tons of hugs!
Alma
Alma, thank you so much for stopping by here. Your support on Twitter has been great and thanks to you and others who supported me through these past few weeks I have been able to get through it and put my little girl first rather than wallow in my pain. You have offered me an outlet from my reality and I am truly grateful.
OH my! What an experience but so wonderful that you have a beautiful new baby girl from all of it!
I started reading your mom’s blog a little while ago and came by yours to look at your story!
I’m not a mommy yet so the idea of the broken coccyx sounds horrifying, but hopefully, everything will heal smoothly and as quickly as possible and you will be able to forget all the pain and just enjoy that adorable baby! She is such a cutie!
Thanks for coming by and sorry you had to read such a post on your first visit!
Be re-assured, its rare to break your coccyx when giving birth 🙂
What an amazing story. I really enjoy how you told it just like it is. I don’t think there’s enough birth stories out there that really tell it like it is. I went in to birth thinking it would be this amazing experience and all I felt was terror as I was gripped by the pain. Thanks so much for sharing and check out my birth story if you’d like.
Thanks India for stopping by and sharing the link to your story too – I’m glad you did, your experience is so different from mine. The actual birth part was okay I guess, what was worse is what I lived through afterwards, I’ll never forget.
[…] I dared to say anything negative about the French medical system and how I was treated after the birth of Baby Piglet earlier this year. I was verbally attacked by people who knew little of my life and who assumed […]