Because of what happened to me after the birth of Baby Piglet I didn’t get chance to feel like a Mum for the first five weeks after her birth, but yesterday I really felt different and like a Mum for the first time.
Not being able to care for my baby caused a certain frustration for me and I think put some distance between Baby Piglet and I, as I was only feeding her, not actually caring for her.
Now that I am up and mobile I get to do so much more with her. I can carry her and rock her gently to sleep without yelping in pain scared to death that I’m going to drop her.
I’m finally able to interact with her, to show her the world and care for her, although I’m being careful to share her with her Daddy and Grandparents as I’m rather tempted to keep her all to myself! Although exhausted and still in some pain when I sit or stand for too long, I am the happiest person on Earth.
Yesterday was the first time I went out without her for more than a quick dash to the supermarket. I was gone longer than expected as I had my first appointment with a midwife here for my pelvic floor & abdominal re-education. The appointment lasted forever as the midwife decided it was too early to start and wants me to see a psy as well.
I knew there was some crazy in my head shell but maybe not as much as she saw. Seriously speaking, she thinks I’m traumatized about what happened especially as I keep having nightmares that the compresses were Baby Piglet’s twin and I gave birth a second time.
I have realized that I have to move on for Baby Piglet’s sake, no more pulling the curtains over my eyes (or hiding behind the blinds as Mr Piglet says). I’ve been denying what has happened since we moved in to the new house, thinking I could put it behind me, using the excuse that my medical records have not arrived yet therefore stalling me from doing anything but my frequent nightmares show that the problem is lingering and needs to be addressed.
I have also started talking to Baby Piglet and have explained to her what happened and why Mummy is sad sometimes. Call me a nut but when she looks at me as if she really understands what I’m saying and I think it’s important that she knows what I’m thinking sometimes so that she doesn’t think I have anything against her.
It’s not just me now but me and Baby Piglet and my first real Mummy decision is to address this head on so I can put it behind us once and for all.
On a lighter note, Baby Piglet and the Grandparent went on a walk and met some of the locals the other day. They were extremely friendly and even came closer so that we could take a good picture: