Have I become old? It’s been suggested that I’ve become old and less ranty but I think I’ve been keeping a lid on my rants lately, partly due to not have enough time to write but also due to the “go back home” brigade.
Yes, that’s right, the GO BACK HOME brigade.
Do you know who I’m talking about? Some of you will, some of you won’t. The GO BACK HOME brigade are a certain breed of expats that I have come across this year that tell you to go back home whenever you say anything negative about France or about missing anything from Britain.
But they have failed to understand one thing.FRANCEIS MY HOME.
This breed of expat is one of the reasons why I have not been so keen on blogging recently and certainly one of the reasons why I have tamed my rants, but pants to them! If they have such a problem and cannot recognize thatFranceis my home then tough luck!
I got a lot of stick, nasty comments and horrible emails when I dared to say anything negative about the French medical system and how I was treated after the birth of Baby Piglet earlier this year. I was verbally attacked by people who knew little of my life and who assumed that I was non-French speaking and profiting from the system here.
I was called a liar and told to go back to theUKif I was so unhappy with what had happened. This left an extremely bitter taste in my mouth and I found myself censoring my posts and my will to write disappeared.
On another blog I was told that I showed no respect for the French culture because I missed certain British foodstuffs and that I should sod off back to theUKif I wanted to eat Branston pickle. I mean how daft is that? Should French people be told to go and live elsewhere when we see them eating in McDonalds?
I have never had much to do with expats in the past as my friends tend to be French. I arrived here when I was 16 so grew up here. Since I’ve started blogging I’ve loved feeling part of an expat community and exchanging experiences and I’ve missed it recently.
Franceis my home, it has been for the last 15 years and will remain so in the future.
There. I’ve said it. Rant over.
I know exactly what you mean. Well you know anyway from all the rants that regularly appear on my blog. And Turkey has been my home for nearly 14 years. I have dual nationality…so surely that entitles me to complain about certain things in Turkey and the UK? And yes I miss bacon, custard and Cadburys chocolate amongst other things…and why shouldn’t I?
So do people who emigrate to the UK never complain? Of course they do. Ignore the smug “go back home brigade” as I did years ago. From my experience they complain too, but behind closed doors because they don’t have the courage to do it publicly.
And that’s my little rant out of the way xxx
Thanks for the support Ayak. I love reading “real” blogs such as yours, Fly’s and Merewomans. Sincere, to the point and certainly no rosy tinted specs! That’s real life, the type of life I appreciate and can relate to.
I agree with everything you have said above and yes, I should ignore them. I have never come across these people before until this year and suddenly I became what felt like a public target. They’re gone from my life, unfollowed, unfriended, call it what you will 🙂
Well put, Piglet! I think you’ve earned your right to do as the French do and complain from time to time. Please don’t let a bunch of boring nobodies bring down the quality of your complaints 🙂
Thanks Amber 🙂
You haven’t been posting on any of the ex-pat forums have you? I’ve largely given up because I’m so fed up of being told that I’m wrong by people who do not have any direct experience of the matter in hand but think they know and the general attitude that it’s OK to absolutely hate the place or love it (and risk being called “fluffy”) but that you can’t like some things and find that others drive you abslutely bonkers!
I’ve been here 18 years, Sometimes I’d like to go back to England, sometimes I’m completely passionate about living here. Wherever I was I’d miss things about the other place.
What wrong with having a balanced viewpoint?
Thanks for stopping by and commenting Victoria. I wish I had been hanging out on the forums but no, I’ve already been warned about them! I got some pretty nasty emails, tweets and comments after I published baby Piglet’s birth story this summer and have really been put off expats TBH. Thankfully I’ve come to my senses and am not going to be driven away from the internet and blogging by a bunch of idiots!
A balanced viewpoint is essential in any country whether or not you’re from that country or elsewhere 🙂
I hope you keep it up, Piglet, we need a band of us together who are prepared to be honest about what it’s really like here, but who are, underneath it all, tough as boots and absolutely determined to make it work – and then to help others do the same. E
WOW. I have to say that I feel lucky not to have run into someone like that, let alone a whole brigade. I really lucked out with my expat gang here – we’re a pretty tight bunch and there’s always someone who’s had the same experience (or worse) than you, and who can sympathize. And they’re all “lifers” here.
It seems to me that your brigade is awfully intimidated by your reality checks – like if you told a child something they didn’t want to hear and they cover their ears and go LALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
Which leads me to think that perhaps their own little French experiment in idyllic living isn’t exactly as they had envisioned?
Christine, I agree 100% with you, maybe their life isn’t as good as they hoped it would be and they don’t dare admit it?
Thankfully these people are not my brigade, they’re just people who didn’t even visit my blog or comment until I made a few complaints so they’re easy to ignore. I have a few close expat friends, lifers as you say, all of which have balanced views.
Oh, I’m so happy to hear that. With all you’ve been through (good and bad – moving while pregnant is no joke!), you need a good support system, no matter where you call home!
Stuff them – they are just pompous prats! and if they have forgotten what a prat is they can check out the urban dictionary.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=prat
It really surprised me when I dared to write and an article questioning the French healthcare system, as observed by an outsider, and cited your case as an example, how uncaring the comments were. I just pray to God these people are NEVER on the receiving end, and if they are, that they think back to the unkind comments they made!
Do the French never complain? Never miss certain foods from their home country – I wonder?
Don’t let the b*** grind you down!
{{{hugs}}}
PiP
LOL! I agree! I will certainly keep that link handy in case it’s ever needed again 🙂
However, what’s the term “home” country? Home for me is where I live, which is why I laugh when told to go home! France is my home however much I love or hate it, this is where my life is.
Thanks for the hugs
xxx
To me your home country is where you are born so not necessarily where you live or where your heart is. It probably has another name, but while I was “ranting” that’s the word that sprung to mind while I was typing at full speed! LOL 🙂
xxPiP
I guess I’ve lost all notion of what home is 🙂
I am so sorry that these people feel the need to be ugly. Isn’t this a free country. Are we going back to the days of Galileo who was persecuted for his ideas. I would tell them to sod off because it is your blog and if they don’t like what you have to say then they just don’t have to read. With all that you went through with your daughter, I think you have every right to speak out. Things don’t change by remaining quiet. How many other woman need to suffer by the actions of this doctor.
Kelleyn, thanks so much for your support 🙂 You remind me that i still have to deal with the hospital – I spent most of my summer writing letters etc to get a copy of my medical files (they finally showed up two weeks ago).
I lived in France for 4 years, by the 4th year, I felt at home and didn’t want to leave, but for a few reasons (that I ranted about)….we had to come back to NY for a few years. Sometimes you just need to get it out, and share it with someone who understands. When you grew up in one place, and make another place your home, you will always have some things that are difficult in the new country. But there are always the great things you love about your new place and don’t like about your former country. Just the way it goes.
So, ignore them………and get off your chest what you need to. When my daughter was born in France (and I had a great pregnancy and birth experience, including my baguette with butter and bowl of cafe au lait the morning after she was born)…the difficult part for me was not finding childcare so I could work. We didn’t alert the Mairie when I was 2 seconds pregnant…so it became a bit of a challenge. The nounou that I found canceled the Friday before I was to start work, and I had to decline the job. We needed two salaries because they were lower than NY (rant #1), and I knew that in my own country, I would find a babysitter right away and a high paying job right away. Kicking and screaming, we came back to NY. We were told that after the child turns 3, childcare is mandatory for them in France, so maybe we should have stuck it out, but we just couldn’t financially. So, sometimes certain things are just easier. I was not thrilled with the 3 month notice for leaving an apartment and for leaving a job. We give 2 weeks here in the US, and a month for an apartment. It is just a matter of habit. I did some ranting, but I sooo miss living in France. I know we will return soon, and my second time around, I’ll have a completely different understanding and appreciation.
So, pffft to the people that gave you a hard time. We call that a Bronx cheer! 🙂
Hi Barbara. OMG, what a nightmare you had with the nounou! It’s so hard to find one to start with, I can’t even imagine having to turn down a job because it doesn’t work out.
It certainly sounds as if you had a roller coaster of a ride and I hope that one day you’ll make it back to France, maybe somewhere where life is cheaper and you can get a great salary too (I’ve heard it does exist 🙂 ).
I’m pretty jealous of your birth experience, baguette the next morning? What a dream!
We’re really struggling with daycare at the moment, not so much because we didn’t find a nounou but because we moved and have not received any CAF payments so we’ve been paying full whack now for two months. Needless to say the CAF aren’t bothered, have lost my file twice (supposedly) and have now told me they are looking into it…
I stopped by your blog and saw that you’ve gone gluten free. Good luck with that it’s not easy but definitely worth it!
The thing is, it’s not just expats who would find your rant (for lack of a better word) disrespectful. My in-laws made a comment several weeks ago that I took as their way of saying to me that people (non-French) shouldn’t say negative things about the French health care system because it really is superior. Blah, blah, blah and whatever is what I said to myself.
I really don’t get it though. How does having an issue/challenge/problem with the health system, and blogging about it, mean that you don’t like a place? Geez, everyone has something negative and positive about the place they grew up in so why is it different it you’re an expat? At least you CHOSE where you live and therefore probably should have a more objective view…
They should all just sod off! I don’t associate with people like that (mainly because I would tell them off so harshly their great grandchildren would feel the brunt of my wrath) and that would just stress me out.
I’m gonna go colour my hair now. I’m glad you let those negative nellies drop. You’ve got better and more positive things to do. (And welcome back; I, for one, have missed your regular updates!) 🙂
ha ha, I love how you put it about great grandchildren… I agree 100% with everything you’ve written and next time I’ll just say SOD OFF as you suggest! It’s not even worth trying to explain some things!
I rarely dare say anything to the French, I’ve been biting my tongue for so long I would bark and bark if I were to say anything. I received so many dumb comments about the UK from French family that I’ve learned to ignore it as I know that people who have never lived anywhere else are not very well positioned to judge!
My god, but that’s exactly it – not only have they never lived anything else, but (here is the real failing in my eyes), you meet quite a few people who would never be prepared to live anywhere else – not only because of family, but because they just couldn’t accept the differences that would entail! What we need to keep in mind when not feeling brave, is that we are “déjà” doing very well to “support” it at all, so if the frustration bubbles over every once in a while, well we’re only human.
My husband (french) had the good grace to agree with me when I made a tongue-in-cheek comment that “only the French would reject all cuisine except their own” – his tough-mindedness is one reason I love him ; )
Hi Piglet,
I am a bit ambivalent here. I followed the story of baby Piglets birth with horror and felt really sorry for you in an experience that should have been anything but that which you experienced. I never felt that you should go back home and that yours was a justifiable rant. On the other hand I`ve seen some other rants from people I could have cheerfully driven back to the UK myself and left there, (maybe even mid-channel) I love your blogs, as does my hubby, dont let anyone put you off, they dont have to read them after all. Have to say in defence of the french health care that I have been in three times, twice for quite serious health issues and I was cared for as though I was a china doll!! Take care and a big hug for baby Piglet who is gorgeous xx
Hi Kim, that’s exactly it! There’s good and bad in every country and most people will recognise this. The Go Home Brigade fail to recognise or accept that anything can possibly be bad!
I hope I don’t say anything that would want to make you drop me mid-channel, I don’t think I could swim to shore LOL 🙂
I am pleased that you have received excellent medical care here, it is re-assuring although of course it is horrible to need to receive care in the first place. I hope your health is A1OK.
My problems today are not with the French medical system, they are with the system in general. Too many Dr’s (whether in France or abroad) are too busy to do their jobs properly and things get missed. With hindsight I think this is what happened to me. It wasn’t just the Dr, it was all the midwife’s after that saw me too. They were all going through the motions but not actually doing their job as they were always in a rush to get to the next patient.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with Ankylosing spondylitis, a disease that took years for the Dr’s in the UK to diagnose for my Dad. The Dr’s here diagnosed me very quickly and I was offered immediate care and referred to a specialist 🙂
I am an expat in the UK since I am from Germany originally and whenever I say I am homesick there are those that say well maybe you should move back home. Thoughtless, irritating comments. No help whatsoever. I totally get where you are coming from. I sometimes miss a good German meal and clean sidewalks.
Exactly! It’s so annoying and as you say, thoughtless. You can’t run away from homesickness or from who you are. Growing up in another country is part of you and will always be part of you.
ps. I totally love German breakfasts and how straightforward things tend to be there (compared to here).
Well said! I couldn’t agree more!
I have been here just over 2 years and 1 week (and celebrated my 2nd wedding anniversary on Hallowe’en!). I have had 2 children here, so your Baby Piglet birth story rang oh so true…
Well there are a lot of blogs around, and that’s one reason I’ve slowed up on mine a little.
The other reason being, and the reason for this comment, the “Come Home Brigade”! Yes, those who say “aww, poor lamb, you’re so happy, come home…” I’ve even got someone offering to help me out should I decide to leave my husband and come back – and he’ll ask nothing in return (yeah, right)…. Here’s what I’ve got to say to them:
I am happily married here and therefore can’t go back, I want to make France my home, the only thing I have to do is figure out how to make a living.
And to the french I’d say: I’m not here to take your jobs, I came here for family reasons. If you could just find a way to see something interesting in me and others like us, it would make life interesting for everyone. We Brits don’t think our ways, our food, or anything else, is better than anyone else’s – it would be great if you could afford us the same open-mindedness.
And a news flash: for the Brits (and maybe some other expats) LIFE ISN’T ALL ABOUT FOOD!!!! shock, horror, we find other scintillating things to talk about, EVEN AT TABLE, other than the bouffe on our plates….
…..and for us, our differences are not about history either, the average Brit lives for today and for tomorrow and doesn’t hold onto things from several hundred years before (s)he was born…
….and another thing, in the UK women are equal to men (sort of) – oh and we like to laugh, but that doesn’t make us disrespectful……
E
You sound like a kindred soul!
LOL about food! I’m currently Gluten and Dairy free in France and you’d think I’d just landed from another planet! Also if one more person tells me british food is gross I’ll freak, I swear! Often when asked what they tried they’ll reply something like fish and chips or baked beans on toast!
I have found France to be hard place to work as a woman. People have often assumed I am a secretary and not a business owner. I remember one meeting where the man stared at my chest area for the whole time, the next time I wore a roll neck!
I’ve never had the Come Back Home brigade as I don’t have that many ties to the UK anymore.
If only the French people were a bit more open to different ways: food, administration, humour, they might even be happier…. but it’s not up to anyone else to say it! Hofstede’s work on cultural dimensions, though meant for the international business market, has helped me to realise that none of it is personal (not that I thought it was, but sometimes the cultural shocks seem to reach right inside – I doubt you get that as you’ve been here much longer). But I recommend Hofstede to those who are relatively new here and who seek an understanding for themselves – to be shared with those who want to know, but mainly for one’s own good (because an explanation that takes any emotion out of it is such a good tonic for all the madness that one feels as a foreigner)!
I have yet to find out much about working in France, as with 2 children under 2 (and another older one) I work mainly at home.
LOL for the lecherous men – yes, indeed – the most I seem to have going for me here sometimes is my highlights, plus not being the stereotypical large woman that they think all English people are going to be (oh dear….)
The Come Back Home brigade are another example of people who don’t travel enough – like some of the French people who really should try foreign cuisine more!!!
Bah! No system is perfect, and you can complain about imperfections just as much as you like. It’s not as if plenty of French people I know don’t complain like crazy about things that go wrong.
And I miss decent curries. Actually I miss the tremendous variety of international cuisine that was available within 20 minutes of where I used to live.
But helll, this is my home.
My point exactly Mark!
ps. I miss a good curry too but am getting better and better at making them 🙂
Most of my French friends moaned even more than I did…they were closer to it, after all!
I used to be half amused and half fed up with the reaction of some of the expats – or immigrants as I used to think of us all – when I was living in France.
I’d lived there twenty years, spoke and understood the language and a fair bit of how things work…and they, just arrived and already busy exploiting each other, would be busy putting me right.
I’m happy to learn, but only from those who know something in the first place.
It could make for a lot of unpleasantness. And did.
Our experiences with the French health service varied…we eventually had a super (Spanish) G.P., but the hospitals were something else…we’re still suing one… so I sympathised with your hideous experience at the birth of Baby Piglet and your struggles to get anything done about it.
I agree that you should not let these people put you off….but I also recognise that they can be very hurtful.
Lots of great people in France…but lousy systems.
Just a thought…as one is not allowed to criticise anything French how will these people react if Marine Le Pen gets into power and starts her ‘French preference’ policies?
My French friends moan way more than I do and most of them don’t even have anything to compare things too. Yet at the same time they find stuff I moan about in the UK fantastic, swings and roundabouts isn’t it.
I can remember the election before last when her Dad went through to the 2nd round… never had I felt so alien living here. I stopped watching the TV and felt so helpless, it was a dreadful time.
Don’t worry, I won’t be paying attention to these people anymore, I have enough “noise” in my life 🙂
Urgh. I hate people who say that! Complaining about aspects of where you live is NORMAL. I’ve always been an expat and I’ve hated those people who’ve been in the country in question for 5 minutes and become self proclaimed protectors of the country’s honour or whatever.
Stuff them.
*LIKE*
Hi, People are idiots. Ignore them. You’ve proved that you belong here; you’ve got a French daughter, a French husband and you speak good French. So screw the nay-sayers. They are just frustrated about being here.
Keep your chin up!
Either that or they think they’re saints (or they come from somewhere really horrible and even the worst things here are fantastic).
I am so sorry to inform those you are talking about that it is extremely continental to complain on anything, all the time, to everybody. 🙂 And that sometimes this complaining doesn’t mean a thing, it is just a way of eliberating ourselves from what is pressuring us. Sometimes it is so much cheaper than going to a shrink and so much better, and it is so much more helpful ! If something bad happens, part of the experience of getting back to normal is talking about it …. France isn’t perfect any there is no perfect place on earth but life is where one has a family and one finds love. Don’t even bother to spend 1 sec of your time on people who are unconsiderate to you, they don’t deserve it.
Goodness, I’ve spent loads of time at a shrink since giving birth, maybe I should have just been complaining more 🙂 Of course there’s no perfect place on Earth, there never has been and never will be. Thanks for your support Rosabell x
As an ex-pat myself .. I wondered in the beginning if I would ever have someone to complain to about things here being … different from “back home” .. Well, everyone here complains about everything and they always ask me why I love it here so much 🙂
After 15 years, you are at home and have every right to complain , just the way they all do too.
I was horrified over what happened to you and little bitty piglet and I am just so glad that the two of you are as well as you are.
Of course you had every right to complain .. it happened to you ! anyone taking offence has a problem, not you.
I say .. this is Your blog.
That means You can talk about Anything you wish.
It is up to the reader to go or stay.
I hope those who complained left .. who needs that ?
Who needs to be made conscious of what they say and who in cyberspace might be offended ? feh ~
besitos from way down here ( In the Paris of South America 🙂
C~
Hi Candice,
So did you ever find anyone to complain to?? Thanks for your support
x
This post is spot on. Although France has only been my home for 2 years and I am leaving in 2 months, I completely agree with your point. I have found that other expats tend to be more aggressive than the French themselves though.
France is wonderful but the reality is that we’re human beings, and things irritate us. You’re right there is a breed of people who think France is the promised land and the second you speak out against it, you’re looked down on. The reality is whether you’re in France, Russia, Argentina or Nigeria, there will always be issues. It’s not about one country being better than the other. Your experience with Baby Piglet’s birth is your own. Maybe other people had different experiences. That’s fine but for them to be so angry and mean towards you is unacceptable. I find the medical system here very odd. It’s good but peculiar. Most people who get angry the second you criticise the French health care system are from countries that only offer health care to people who can afford it, so they see it as being the best thing since sliced bread. I’m from the UK so the low cost is irrelevant.
This is your blog – write the hell what you want. If they don’t like it, they shouldn’t read it. In my world, it’s that simple. If people actually take the time to write a nasty comment, something is seriously wrong with them. I went through a period of worrying when people negatively commented – I’m been called a stuck-up know-it-all, unappreciative of Paris and questioned on why I miss British food since “everybody knows it’s disgusting”. I came to the realisation that most people are miserable and only get pleasure from trying to pass that misery to others. Well, I’m not buying it. I am going to keep being honest on my blog and in my life, and if others don’t like it, c’est la vie! I think you’re amazing and you’re one of the few people who is honest in their blogging. I respect that greatly and hope it doesn’t change.
Hi Milla, thanks for stopping by and supporting me here. It means a lot.
I agree 100% about other expats being more aggressive than the French, I recently had a go home comment from a French person (a very racist person in fact who believes that France should be reserved uniquely for PURE French) but it was my first comment as such from a French person. I have stopped counting the number of expats who have told me the same thing.
I like the perspective you give with regards to the healthcare system here and how different people view it in different ways depending on where they’re from. Maybe that would explain some of the “ungrateful” comments blah blah that I received when I went mad after things went so horribly wrong after the birth.
I love your blog, I just wish I had more time to spend reading at the moment, maybe you could have a word with BabyPiglet that her Mummy needs her sleep so she can have more spare time?x
To be the devil’s advocate and to show another side to things I’ll stick my neck out and await the barrage of negative comments.
Reading your birth story never once made me think well she should have just gone home. It was such a horrible experience and awful medical stories like that unfortunately happen around the world and I am very sorry that you had to go through it.
Where I might be grouped in with the “go home brigade” is when it comes to HOW the complaints about your home country are made.
Have I ever complained about France? Yes of course, I had to be cattle herded in the suburbs of Paris to get my “medical visit” in which I was chastised for being “fat”. I’ve had the Prefecture “loose” my residency application causing me all sorts of hassle etc.
But what really drives me nuts is, “The French don’t know how to make a good cup of tea.”
“French baby clothes are expensive and not as good as in the UK.”
“The French are 20 years behind everything ‘normal'”
“X product in the UK/America is cheaper and so much better”
Do I wish that I could find canned pumpkin in France? Of course I do. But I don’t say that France is ridiculous for not selling it.
It is totally normal to miss things from home and as others have said being homesick does not mean that you want to give up your life in your adopted country for those little things.
I worked with an office full of Brits for 18 months and I wanted to tell them to go home, and sometimes I did. They were lovely people as individuals but did not speak a word of French, never interacted with the locals or bothered to get to know people. Would drive their car back to the UK for repairs because again “the French don’t know how to repair cars.” Load up those cars with all the DIY products from the UK because “everything is better and cheaper there”. Send their kids to French school but insist that their teachers spoke English to them (the parents) because “can’t they bother to learn English in this day and age?”
Day in and day out this is all I heard and yes, it drove me nuts. I’m not saying that you’re part of this group but it has a totally different ring to it when you say, “I had such a horrible time at the Poste, the woman was totally incompetent” rather than “The Poste in France is horrible, nothing is ever done right and the stupid woman today didn’t know what she was talking about.”
It’s all about the way things are said as to the tone and underlying negative France comments.
So yes, to those who say “France this and that” I do say, well if all you do is complain about France and I never hear any actual positive comments then indeed – why are you here? If everything is indeed cheaper, faster, better and easier to find a job in the UK then why are you putting you and your family through the stress of living abroad?
I do not see things through rose colored glasses, I’ve been here for 10 years and have become a French citizen but these are my observations after speaking with people, reading blogs and the occasional forum.
Again, just to be clear I’m not trying to attack anyone, defend anyone or make it seem like you are the people I’m describing but I wanted to give my opinion on the matter so maybe it could be more of a discussion and less of an attack he said/ she said thing between people.
…. patiently awaiting the barrage of hate comments….
Thank you MilkJam for coming and sharing your point of view. I am sorry you had bad experiences and worked in an environment you found unpleasant.
I remember you saying that maybe people were sick of hearing me say how things were better in the UK than they were in France on Twitter. I don’t think I complain like this at all and as I said to you on Twitter, if you find me boring or annoying then stop following me.
It would appear that you originally categorized me in the same category as your work colleagues and assumed (maybe because I’m British or made a one off justified remark that most foreign Mum’s in France will back me up on?) that I was constantly comparing France to the UK, all at the same time without knowing me or anything about me.
Did you know that I am fluent in French, obtained a Masters Business degree here, have pretty much only French friends and have created employment for French people in France?
It seems to me that your main experience dealing in this type of situation has led you to believe that anyone who dares to say anything bad about France is one and the same.
When I complain it’s rarely comparing France to the UK, only sometimes for products or services. La Poste is useless, it’s well known and all the French people I know take issue with them also, but never once have I said that it’s better than Royal Mail in the UK. Same goes for Les Impots, La CAF etc.
Most French people complain, however they often have nothing to compare it to and those that too can often be found making similar comparisons to us immigrants.
As I said, thank you for sharing your viewpoint here, I’m not sure if others will agree or disagree but as this is my blog and I don’t want it to turn into a slanging match.I would like to say that I think it’s important to respect people which is something that I do not feel happens when someone tells me to go back home. Sometimes if you have nothing nice to say it’s better to say nothing at all.
Sigh.
I’m not in a mood to argue and have never once said that you personally should go home.
You asked why people would say it and all I did was give another opinion as all the other comments were agreeing with you (not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
I’m not telling you what to write or what to tweet. I think a blog shouldn’t be restricted in any way but if comments are allowed on blogposts its usually because the author would like feedback which is all I was doing.
If you take it to be hate fulled and a personal attack I’m sorry to hear that.
so you’re allowed to share your point of view and I’m not allowed to reply? That’s what your comment reads like. So much for freedom of speech! Whatever!
No, that’s not what I said. It sounded like you thought I was attacking YOU personally which is exactly what I wasn’t doing!
Oh, go home, Milkjam…you get car parts in the U.K.because they are far cheaper than in France….fact, not opinion…the birth experience may have happened everywhere…but sorting it in France is a nightmare..
Just stop over reacting..
I’m sorry but does everyone totally miss my point or just make a point of not actually reading what I wrote?
“Reading your birth story never once made me think well she should have just gone home. It was such a horrible experience and awful medical stories like that unfortunately happen around the world and I am very sorry that you had to go through it.”
When did I ever belittle Piglet by saying that it wasn’t a nightmare sorting it out?
Somehow I thought that I could give my opinion and not be told what all of you have been complaining about this whole time – to go home. I am home.
MilkJam, I’m pretty sure that everyone has got your point and that Fly was just being facetious.
To summarise: I feel as if you are saying: if you live in France, keep quiet and don’t say anything bad about it. If you’re foreign and say something bad you should go home. Correct?
That is pretty much what you said here: Quote “I worked with an office full of Brits for 18 months and I wanted to tell them to go home, and sometimes I did.”
Yet, you agree with me that what France is your home – Quote from your comment “to go home. I am home.” Quote from my post: “France is my home, it has been for the last 15 years and will remain so in the future.” So we agree on this?
Where we disagree is that because we live here we shouldn’t complain about it? If so then I think we’ll just have to agree to disagree and to respect each others point of view.
As for buying stuff abroad because it’s cheaper than in France I have no qualms with that. I live in a worldwide economy and if a car part or baby clothes are cheaper elsewhere then no problem, I’ll buy them elsewhere.
I’m not saying that you (as in general you, not you specifically) should “do” something, or “do” something else and I’m sorry if it came across that way.
All I wanted to do was explain how things can come across depending on how you say things.
Imagine a similar situation.
Every time you see your best friend she complains about her job. Her boss is always on her, her coworkers gossip about her, the paperwork is boring etc
You hear this every time you see her.
Eventually you *might* think to yourself, and possibly tell her, well if things are so bad then why do you stay?
It’s not to criticize her, it’s not to demean her or that you don’t realize that there might possibly be things about her job that she loves. It’s simply wondering why if things seem so bad to you you wonder why she stays. She may adore her job, like the money, the security, the flexibility she has to spend time with her kids, the easy commute etc. There may be a million reasons she loves it but when all you hear is negative it might make you wonder.
I feel that that’s the way people might feel and that’s what I’ve been trying to explain. I’m not trying to win an argument or convince you of something but I’m simply trying to explain WHY people might say that dreaded question…
Hi MilkJam, ref your last comment, I know what you mean and agree with you – if it was a friend who was constantly complaining you would wonder wouldn’t you? But some of these people don’t even know the people they tell to go back so I guess that’s why it’s annoying. Of course, anyone who moves to France and expects it to be just like their home country is in for a shock.
I’m proud of you. You have the right to rant all you want! It doesn’t mean that you don’t love France, it just means that stuff here is frustrating sometimes. I feel the same way. I love it here, more than any other place I’ve ever been, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to rant about something that bothers me. No place is perfect to live and all those people who were giving you a hard time need to just keep it to themselves. You know what else? I’m American and when I lived there I was always ranting and raving about the crap that went on or that happened to me. It’s life and I bet anything all those guys bugging you probably rant about stuff in their own life. Everyone does. You just go along with your bad self and rant all you want! There are those of us out here that appreciate it and support you and know how you feel. We all love this country deeply, but some stuff just tends to make us mad and it’s ok to say it.
HERE HERE! 🙂
Let me stick my neck out here and say that I’m a long way from loving France because its inflexibility in systems and in the way prople think (in Brittany anyway) means that I have no livelihood. I would dearly love to go home but I can’t, my family is here. Because of that I’m reasonably happy here day-to-day. I am determined to turn things around by finding a way to earn a living. Then we’ll see whether I love it or not! Can a system (and some of its people) so “chiant” turn this around and win my approval? We’ll see, but I’m not taking anything for granted. I am polite to everyone and go out of my way to be appreciative to those who ARE welcoming. I recognise my status as a newcomer. So I’m playing fair and doing the best I can, being my genuine self while working hard at the little work I can get. Things can only get better.
Emily, I have long wanted to be able to vote to make my voice heard in France. I totally get where you’re coming from as for a long time this was my problem too. I was desperate to earn a living but couldn’t afford to set up in business due to all the charges and taxes (this was a long time ago). My husband and I moved to the UK for a few years to give ourselves the start we needed, as soon as things were better we came back. It wasn’t something I enjoyed but something that was necessary. I hope that you find something for you and that things will get better soon.
Ps in the spirit of openness I am Tan7anite- phone didn’t log me in as that
Funny how people are so different about different countries.
I am asked by locals , how I like it here.
I wax on and on about how much I love it here.
They look at me as if I said I wanted to light my hair on fire… how can I love it here ??
The traffic ? The noise ? The prices ??
They ask where am I from and I get to listen to how fabulous my hometown is and what in the world am I doing in Argentina.
But as a 4 year resident, I don’t feel at the point ( especially concerning my crappy language skills) that I can complain much .. some things, yes, but a lot of things, no …
So I have never come across a place or a person here that makes me feel that I have to watch out for being critical or I will be attacked for it.
But when it comes to my own blog, I feel that I can say what I want, the reader is the guest, they don’t have to stay and they don’t have to stay and be ugly.
Otherwise, there will be posts about how the rude the people are in Blogtown .. 🙂
I can’t even begin to imagine what life in Argentina must be like. The heat would probably get me the most 🙂 (I remember some posts on your blog about how hot it was and I felt as if I was melting in front of my PC!).
LOL ref blogtown!
You go Piglet! We write, first because we like to and it makes us feel better, and second because people want to know about our experiences living in France. And there are many things here that are so flipping frustrating….very real and worth writing about. Nobody is obliged to listen although I guess by writing in a public manner, we invite comments of all kinds.
I write about my frustrations with the French health care system (among many other systems) as well. Sometimes I want to tear my hair out with the absurdity of it all. High prices, bad customer service and a propensity for stupid paper work are realities of living in France. But if I were French, living in the U.S., I would also be writing about my frustrations with the health care system. As in, how in the world does somebody pay for this? And that would be honest writing and would give people a glimpse into what life is like in the U.S., wouldn’t it?
Piglet, you’ve earned your stripes and then some. You write what you want and I’ll continue reading. We’re here by choice…but that doesn’t make it a bed of roses, here or anywhere else! Bisous
Hey Delana! Thanks for your support & for saying I’ve earned my stripes *blush* 🙂
I think I’d moan wherever I am, I’m just a moaning minnie!
This is your blog right? I think it is. So, write about what the #$%@ you want and if people don’t like it, too bad! Writing is fun and therapeutic, and ranting is too! If you can’t rant a bit on your own blog then.. what’s the point of having a blog?! Who are these people, really? And how did they find your blog? And these people in real life? Maybe you should find better people to surround yourself with. I have expat (and some French) friends here and we rant all we want. There are pros and cons to everything. You should be able to speak freely about your experiences and be able to rant a bit. It’s not easy moving far away and basic comforts are a must.
“It’s been suggested…” Well, to the people ‘suggesting’, if you’re reading this, @#$% OFF. You don’t have to read this blog; there are plenty of Expat in France blogs out there.
Thanks for coming by! Thankfully I don’t know these people in real life, there’s no way I’d give them the time of day. Unfortunately written words hurt more so and for me, pollute more. I agree with everything you say, 100%! thanks for the support.
My comment was a bit “rawrr” – hope you don’t mind. I wonder where these people are coming from. Glad to hear that these people aren’t in real life. Still, of course, I understand it sucks and hurts. My blog is very ‘safe’ so I don’t get any of that. Do you just ignore them? The delete button seems to be the best way to deal with that. x_X
No worries! For the really rude comments, yeah, I just ignore and delete them. Some people may call it censorship but I don’t want these people on my blog so hell, I delete them. If they are upset about that then maybe they can question why I’ve not published them 🙂
My blog has never been very safe, for a long time I wouldn’t even reveal my name!
I sometimes wonder how some narrow minded people from the UK even managed to find their way here.
They always seem to know what is best for everyone else, but not themselves.
We are all bound to miss certain thinks that we find hard to obtain in France, so what is the big deal.
Some aspects of life are far better in France and some are not, I am sure some French would even agree with that.
But what really annoys me personally is the people who have been here a fair amount of time, and ridicule the newcomers for asking simple questions, and mispronounce places or words, were they so Bl**dy perfect when they first arrived in France.
oh yeah, that group! I’d forgotten about them! Thankfully for me it was a LONG tyime ago but nonetheless painful! My advice just ignore them or ask (as I once did) if they just arrived in France knowing everything? I assist people making the move all the time (and have done since 1999) and no question, comment or misunderstanding is ever considered stupid… I remember my first baby steps in France all too well 🙂
I don’t know how I missed this post, but luckily Keith at A Taste of Garlic put me right.
I’ve been bitched at when I’ve had a rant about living in France too. It seems to happen to all of us because some people just can’t shut the fuck up with their miserable ‘go home’ views and don’t realise that we don’t give a shit what they think.
We moan when things go wrong, that’s what moaning is for, it gets it out of the system. Period. It’s not exactly rocket science is it?
Ah what’s Keith been saying about me then?
Maybe some people don’t understand what moaning is all about? If they cared to glance at my about page they would see I’m the female version of Victor Meldrew.
Bless your heart ( as we say in the South…not the south of France). I know I have a pie in the sky idea of Paris and France mainly because I never get to stay long enough to get, pardon mon français, pissed off! Of course France is not perfect and US politics is getting on my last nerve but it is my home and I love it. That said, anyone who wants to leave me a home in France in their will, I’ll jump a plane tomorrow.
My advice is to say what you feel. It’s your home now, your blog and if someone takes offense, it’s easy, they don’t have to visit. We all need to lighten up , not get our panties in a wad, and drink more wine.
Oh, and I found you from crazy Keith at Taste of Garlic AND You Had Me At Bonjour, all in one day!
V
LOL Virginia! I’m glad you found me as your comment had me explosing with laughter! I’ll agree with you on the drink more wine and will raise a glass to you! Sante!
Piglet – can I call you Piglet – the first sign of knowing when a place is home is the desire to rant. While touring, we are charmed or not, but there is no need to turn on the passion. It’s only when you are at home, in love with the true spirit of a place and realize what it can be, that the need to rant surfaces. Do not censor – just get your ‘rant’ on!
Of course you can call me Piglet! Just not Piggy 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment, all this support is truly wonderful!
Oh Piglet, I’m so sorry to hear that you have been subjected to such an attacked, especially in light of what you have been through with baby piglet. People are ignorant beyond belief, and I feel that in part it is down to a strange sort of possessiveness and envy that sadly a lot of ex-pats suffer from: they actually have the gall to be put out that there are plenty of other foreigners who have also had the courage to “live the dream”, and so start a one-sided competition to prove that THEY and only THEY truly belong in the country. I have lived in Spain (8yrs), France (6yrs) and Italy (18mths so far), and despite avoiding the ex-pat brigade like the plague, I have never managed to remain totally unscathed by it. No native person thinks that the sun shines out of their country’s backside, and no immigrant thinks it either once the initial rose-coloured glasses get chewed up in the process of integration. I have “loves” and “hates” about all the countries I have lived in, and as @writingfeemail says, I think that it is a pretty good sign that you are home. Piggywigs rule OK!
Oh, the I Belong Here and You Don’t (poor Diddums) gang- aren’t they just so holier-than-thou?! Gotta be glad not to be them, smug pieces of work!!!
Thanks so much! You’re story is very impressive, must set more time to read more of your blog posts, I saw a funny one a few weeks ago about a wild cat I believe? xxx
Great blog Piglet; I’ve only just started reading it and have found it really fascinating as I am in the opposite situation, I’m French and have lived in the UK for the last 13 years, married to an Englishman (well half-English anyway). I haven’t had time to read all your posts because I’ve got a three month old baby, and as you know, it’s quite time consuming…
Like you, I do feel that after so many years living in a foreign country, I am somewhat entitled to have an opinion, good or bad, on how things are, and to poke fun at things from what is after all a unique position of having experienced another culture. It definitely doesn’t mean I want to live elsewhere at all. I’m lucky though in that there is no ‘brigade’ here to comment, I only know a couple of French people, all of my friends are british.
It amazes me how easily people get offended these days.You find yourself having to develop a thick skin because whatever opinion you share, there is always someone somewhere who is going to take offence and be rude about it. Good for you for not letting it get to you; and sometimes, there’s nothing like a good rant to get it out of your system!
hey thanks so much for stopping by Pauline. I can’t imagine what it is like being French in the UK although my Husband was just that for a few years! He actually really enjoyed it, probably more than me!
Oh yes, a 3 month old baby, I’m surprised you managed to even read my blog yet alone leave a comment.
Have just stopped by your blog and will take some time to read very soon (probably when Baby Piglet is sleeping 🙂 ) as the French perspective on life in the UK is very interesting, especially when it comes to parties LOL!
Hope you and baby are well, look forward to exchanging with you in the future.
The only time I ever experienced the “Go back to where you belong” brigade was when a neighbour’s dog attacked my puppy. After I had complained to the drunken owner and his even drunker friend (in my best French) they told me to go back to England. Had I been French they would have found some other insult to hurl my way. C’est la vie
Everyone has the right to complain, that’s called Free Speech, isn’t it?
Sorry that your puppy got attacked, hope he was okay!